Thinking again.
I know for SURE.... for me...I have covered, masked, escaped and evaded hurtful issues in my life with smoking. Most of my smoking was really a private thing for me. The first 17 years of smoking was done as a closet smoker. IT WAS MY TIME...in secret to deal with what ever the day held. Often I waited till evening to go for a drive and vent the days fustrations on three or four cigarettes in a row!!!
When I came out of the closet and began to smoke out in the open I carried over this passion for personal time with "my cigarettes" alone.
For me the quiet alone time at home has been my BIGGEST..BIGGEST TRIGGER!
So, I too felt that anger many quitters say they feel. Here I was deep into my quit when I realized I would not succesfully quit till I delt with the anger I felt for being decieved.
I saw that ANGER ITSELF WAS A TRIGGER!!! THAT'S A HUGE REVELATION FOR ME!!!!!!I had to understand my anger to continue to heal from this addiction.
Why was I angry?
First, was MY ALONE TIME GOT INFRINDGED on by quiting. I was angry. My day off from work...alone in my pretty quiet house in the woods....WAS MINE AND MY CIGARETTES TIME. How dare the dangers of cigarettes take that away from me.
Second, was issues surfacing that I now couldn't make better with smoking. How unfair was that??? I knew that cigarettes didn't mend the hurts and knocks in life....but I did know they were "my great escape". So without the cigarettes....where is the magic pill to replace what cigarettes did?
Till I realized that MY TIME is still my time.... and that I was escaping life via a death sentence did the addiction begin to make more sense. Why would I want to mend, heal and escape via death? I had been lied to by a powerful drug.
Is it a lack of self worth that we sentence ourselves to death to smoke... or is it purely addiction? I don't know.
I do know... that in any battle you need to "know your enemy". No one fights an enemy they love!!!! It's either an enemy or not.
The more I understood what my enemy, not my friend, was doing to me the better stradegy I had. The biggest battles in history were won with a strong stratigic defense. You need to know your enemy and it's every move.
Our anger is justified. It is a rightful anger and o.k.