Lady, I just wanted to say one more thing. I too wondered how such a thing could happen to me. Where was God to protect me...or stop me from being hurt by such a man? How easy it is to blame God...instead of who we should really blame for all the pain in this world. We forget that this world and everything in it belongs to the evil one right now. James 1:13-18 clears the whole thing up. God does not test us.. or bring evil our way. He clearly says that all the good things come from God. BUT....BUT... the things that BEFALL us here "become" a test. Then it becomes a matter of choice as to how we will handle what came our way. So.. God doesn't do these things to us. It happens from being in this world. We need to know he only wants good for us and askes us to hang on and rely on him. Remember that Jesus calls us HIS friends!! and God himself said that all he ever wanted was to be a Father to us and for us to be His sons and daughters!! How loving and wanted is that!!!!!! You are loved lady....so very loved! God knows smoking won't fix anything...but He does know that leaning on Him right now will. Mercy [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/21/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 64 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,289 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $286.08 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 8 [B]Hrs:[/B] 8 [B]Mins:[/B] 39 [B]Seconds:[/B] 43

OH LADY, You don't know me. I am kind of new hear. I know your feelings all to well. I sooooo know what rejection is. I want to share something with you that I don't tell others. I guess I am safe as we are all kind of anonymous here. First I had been raised in a cult like religion. I left that religion in my early 30's and lost ALL family and friends due to shunning. My mother and brother still do not talk to me. After many years I found Christ. What a relief...BUT...BUT.... I thought I met a good ... handsome Christian man. He ended up a wolf in sheeps clothing!! There was NO INTIMACY in our marriage. I enabled that...I know ....but I hung on for 3 years thinking if I could be the best wife ever things would change. Well.....LONG STORY SHORT.... he was closeted gay ...yet had a slew of internet identities writing WOMAN love letters. I believe he searches out woman on the internet as a way to deny he is gay. So.. I felt so rejected and unloved and even betrayed. I also felt so ashamed. It wasn't my problem and it wasn't my fault. This huge problem fell in my lap and I didn't deserve it. I had quit smoking for a short while a few times durring that marriage. Ya know what? Every time I broke my quit he still did not touch me...still was not intimate with me...still searched out woman on the internet. All my problems were still there and all I did was add another problem to it. The problem was smoking and all the yuck that goes along with it. It just ADDED TO MY UNWORTHY FEELING ABOUT MYSELF. First... please let me say this: If you have a list of problems and heart aches that are eating away at you....and if you smoke to escape them.... it is a lie!! To break your quit will be adding to your sad list. You don't need one more upsetting, loss of self esteem thing to happen right now. IS YOUR HEART BROKEN ABOUT SOMETHING RIGHT NOW? You are not alone...please know this: "The Lord is close to the broken hearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (psalm 34:18) Please hang around long enough for me to get to know you :) Mercy [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/21/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 64 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,289 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $286.08 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 8 [B]Hrs:[/B]

Lady - Just for today, why don't you take down those pictures and put them in your desk drawer? Don't make this any harder than it already is. For some reason, we often re-victimize ourselves & torture ourselves when we're heart-broken. We re-read letters, listen to "our songs", look at pictures, etc. Why do we do this? I'm not sure, but I do know that us former smokers are really good at self-punishment (that's what smoking was!). On some level we've believed that we deserve to suffer. Well guess what - we were wrong! Our thinking was false. So, please try not to punish yourself. Put those pictures out of sight (for today). Do something nice for yourself today - it might not make you feel better - but it could be the first step in re-training your thinking. You CAN make it through today, and as soon as you get home, you can collapse & cry as much as you need. You are grieving - let yourself grieve. You know that it takes time. In reading all of the incredible posts of support to you, 2 things were re-inforced to me: (1) You TRULY are a special person - I've never seen such a huge outpouring of support and the heartfelt words were much more than "just being nice". (2) The SSC provides for genuine caring & support - it goes deeper than just words from anonymous people. This is something very powerful. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/24/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 30 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,065 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $195 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 13 [B]Mins:[/B] 26 [B]Seconds:[/B] 34

Lady, I am sorry that I wasn't around this weekend to help pick you up. I am not going to beat around the bush here. You have a lot of good advise to read in this post and from the response you ought to know without a doubt how many people care about you. Now, pull your boot straps up and stop the tears. Dry your face and blow your nose. If possible get a little ice on your eyes. Don't wallow in whatever is going on. Putting up bricks in your life doesn't hurt anyone but you. A life that is lead in solitude is non productive and lonely. You deserve better than that. Look at all that you have done for people on the site. If you are not worthy of a good friendship... no one is. You are special. Keep posting and get these feelings out of your heart. Read your posts and view them as if you were reading the post of your best friend. What advise would you give her? Would you think she deserves to be feeling this way? Take ownership of your feelings and KNOW yourself like we know you!!! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/25/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 60 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,207 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $247.2 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 6 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 53 [B]Seconds:[/B] 20

Mommom. I don't want to get out. I want to curl up in a ball and vanish! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 633 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 12,667 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2215.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 57 [B]Hrs:[/B] 4 [B]Mins:[/B] 13 [B]Seconds:[/B] 17

Lady, Maybe for each brick you place in your personal wall, you remove one picture from your desk? I know about walls! Easier to build than to break through or tear down. Are you sure that's what you want to do???? If so, be sure to put in some windows and a door so you can get out when the time comes. (and others can get in) But you aren't smoking! Way to go! Blessings, Nance [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/14/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 40 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,209 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $194 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 5 [B]Hrs:[/B] 13 [B]Mins:[/B] 6 [B]Seconds:[/B] 16

Lady, wow , there must be more to this than we know -- while I don't fully understand what the situation is, it can be helped with counseling. I know you sent it upstairs for review and the hardest part is waiting through the bad stuff. I'm sorry you're in such pain and hope that the light starts to come through for you. Prayers and blessings, CobenFan Re-read this and see how many care for you ! Remember that and try to stay strong, read your good book to draw strength.

Lady, my heart bleeds for you. I know the place you are in. I don't care what you do. You are a human being worthy of love. I don't know you but I feel your pain. This too will pass.....Bless you. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/31/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 54 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,628 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �405 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 7 [B]Hrs:[/B] 1 [B]Mins:[/B] 55 [B]Seconds:[/B] 41

I am in IM! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 8/8/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 230 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 5,066 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �1207.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 46 [B]Hrs:[/B] 1 [B]Mins:[/B] 16 [B]Seconds:[/B] 50

I'm at work with pictures of "us" all over my desk. Except "us" no longer exists. "US" isn't real. How the hell am I suppose to do this? I can't even bring myself to remove the pictures from my desk. I've got my brick and mortor.... Day one... brick one going back up. Time to box myself back in. I need to lean. I need to lean hard on someone right now. The tears won't stop. I'm at work. I have got to regain control of me! These stupid emotions are what blew everything to begin with! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 633 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 12,665 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2215.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 57 [B]Hrs:[/B] 4 [B]Mins:[/B] 3 [B]Seconds:[/B] 59