Lookingglass, In order to answer your question I need to go back before I go forward. I think I still 'romanticize' smoking. I am freshly off the patch (1 week ago) and gardening season is here (where I have lost a quit before) the cravings are starting to come, now that I am outside working, and so a struggle is happening within me. It is like a love affair with an abusive partner, if you will, you know they will hurt you, but you still go back. The struggle is this: The romantic side of me remembers how I liked to smoke, that I did enjoy it. (OK for the first 20 years at least) The romantic side of me remembers that there was one or two that tasted pretty good. The romantic side of me has forgotten every other thing I have learned about cigarettes, what they have done or will do to me. But then the intelligent side of me is yelling: Red Flags, Danger Zone! Stop this thinking right now! NOPE Smoking is not an option! You know if you even smoke one, you will so feel the regret, the shame, the hurt, the self loathing at giving in, not to mention the pain and anguise of having to start all over again at day 1! NO, No, NO! Whoa but the intelligent side of me knows one thing more than the romantic side, and that is that I am right, because I HAVE DONE IT BEFORE. I have gone back to smoking how many times, only to regret it. So now to answer your question Lookingglass, if I were to return to smoking..... in all honesty I would probably get 24 hours of smoking in (Feeling evil all the while) before the regret and shame and hurt and all kicked in! Is it worth it??? Not a chance!!! So the dilemma becomes 'How to silence that romanticist addict who keep whispering in my ear", "Have a smoke". And why doesn't my experience speak louder than the romanticist addict???? I guess for us relative newbies, this battle is still going on for us certain days, then we have a few of the wonderful peaceful days when our intelligent side rules and we catch a glimpse of the freedom that lies ahead, as long as we beat down the addict.... :) Still smoke free despite the whispering in my ear! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/5/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 69 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,735 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $727.95 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]D

Healer, I find your take on smoking very interesting. Yes, I agree that each person views the addiction from their own eyes... from their own perspectives. I can now see where you are coming from when you talk about making the quit "easy" and just not ever thinking about the possibility of going back. If the addiction was never a "friend" or a guardian as it was in my case, then I can see how the quit would be much easier for you. Until now, I have never really understood where you were coming from. But I do now and am very glad that I can finally have an understanding of your viewpoint. But my question to you is, if the cigarette was never your "friend." If you didn't have an emotional connection to smoking, then honestly, why did you smoke for so long? I don't mean that question in a bad way at all and I hope it didn't come across that way. It's just that, I guess I don't understand what would make somebody smoke at all if they didn't view NOT smoking as losing a dear friend. For me, smoking was a very personal act; it really was like spending time "relaxing" with an old friend. Do I miss those times? No, not anymore. I used to... and that was why the quit was so hard for me for a long time. I really did enjoy smoking. I looked forward to it everyday... I do understand that part of that "looking forward to it" was the fact that I was starting to go into withdrawals and needed a "fix" in order to feel "normal" again... but that doesn't mean that ALL of smoking was the addiction. No, some of the best memories of my life were spent sitting on my old balcony with my roommate, both of us smoking away, talking about anything and everything, or hanging out with friends at parties or bars, using smoking as a way to meet new people, develop connections and start conversations. I can NOW separate the actions from smoking... but when I first quit, those two things went hand in hand. I didn't think I COULD talk to smokers without smoking myself. I didn't think I COULD meet new people without my crutch. I have since learned that I can... but it took a LONG time to learn that. That's why the quit was so hard for me. SO I guess I don't understand why somebody would smoke at all if they didn't have an emotional connection to smoking. I mean,

It's funny you should ask.... I made a list of "how things really were when I smoked" because as time goes by, I didn't want to forget, and romanticize smoking as we tend to do after time passes. I mentally know that I was in labor for 36 hours, and asked the anesthesiologist to marry me after my epidural. But if you ask me today I'll say "Oh, it wasn't that bad" Reading over my list really does help me... Melissa [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 4/22/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 21 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 852 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $168 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 1 [B]Hrs:[/B] 23 [B]Mins:[/B] 20 [B]Seconds:[/B] 11

That would never ever happen again. I don't even want to think about smoking. Yikes :p [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 4/1/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 407 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 12,216 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �1200.65 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 56 [B]Hrs:[/B] 15 [B]Mins:[/B] 44 [B]Seconds:[/B] 52

[quote] An addict, whether addicted to smoking, alcohol or heroin, has a strong tendency to attach positive (and false) images and feelings to their drug of choice. Even while the drug is killing them... as the craving increases, so usually does the tendancy to deny the real and horrendous effects of the drug. [/quote] Interesting... All the years I smoked - I never enjoyed it, I was addicted to smoking. It never felt good, it tasted terrible, I had no romantic fantasies or thoughts about smoking. Truly it may as well had been cocaine or smack... A needle hanging out of my arm would have been no different. An addict is an addict - a drug is a drug... I guess we really all do see it through our own eyes... When I read posts about someone writing a letter as a goodbye to a 'friend' I never really get my head wrapped around that kind of thinking, as the cigarette was a habit - an addiction than never seemed or felt like a friend (other than it kept a smokescreen around me, which as a buffer protected me, as it were). Hope this makes sense. So to me, I quit a terrible, nasty and deadly addiction - no pretty pictures, or thoughts about "Oh, if I could just have one." Nah - not going back there, it took me this many years to lose that nasty addiction. Well, again, I hope this makes sense. Just seeing it through another pair of eyes sometimes helps each of us find more clarity... I am an addict - the drug to me was the drug, it was never a friend or a confidant. Healer [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/5/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 434 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 15,194 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2018.1 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 56 [B]Hrs:[/B] 18 [B]Mins:[/B] 33 [B]Seconds:[/B] 51

The question attempts to determine if we have a realistic picture in our minds of what smoking actually offers us. An addict, whether addicted to smoking, alcohol or heroin, has a strong tendency to attach positive (and false) images and feelings to their drug of choice. Even while the drug is killing them... as the craving increases, so usually does the tendancy to deny the real and horrendous effects of the drug. So, what mental pictures do we carry with us of smoking? As we encounter cravings, do we counter those cravings with a 'real' perception of what cigarettes would do to us, or are we moved by the cravings to 'minimize' those effects? Do we hearken back to the "Ahhhh..." effects, the release... the reward? Or do we have a firm mental image of what a return to smoking would actually do to us? Have we really stepped beyond the denial that held us prisoner all these years? And if not, is it helpful to make a conscious effort to supplant the false perceptions of nicotine (the addicts perceptions) with the true face of what is attempting to kill us. Healer, I think this has practical value, and is worth consideration, especially for those who feel threatened by their cravings. Because I do believe we are what we think about... all day long. And Healer, you do help me. You help me by staying smoke-free for today. We all help one-another by encouraging and offering support to each-other. Most of us are actively trying to overcome this addiction in our lives, and as we see others succeeding in that effort we are motivated to believe that we can succeed too. You have as important a contribution to SSC as any one of us, and I value that. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/6/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 68 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,703 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $629 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 11 [B]Hrs:[/B] 2 [B]Mins:[/B] 30 [B]Seconds:[/B] 34

Wow... I just read what Josie wrote- [quote] This is always on our minds for awhile and we can change our views and lives to become healthier and more satisfied [/quote] That really says it all - 'healthier and more satisfied' is a wonderful description - I just didn't have the words... [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/5/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 434 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 15,193 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2018.1 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 56 [B]Hrs:[/B] 18 [B]Mins:[/B] 27 [B]Seconds:[/B] 13

Lookingglass - Am I picking up on some frustration under your breath, friend? I didn't say anything about coming to the SSC and from any first moment my life magically changing, BUT...... Well, I had craves and I spent over a year protecting my quit like an infant child each step of the way, but no, I have not imagined smoking, and don't look to again in this lifetime... You are on day 68... early in your quit... What's going on with you - can I help? Healer [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/5/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 434 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 15,193 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2018.1 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 56 [B]Hrs:[/B] 18 [B]Mins:[/B] 24 [B]Seconds:[/B] 29

So you folks came to SSC, and from that first moment... never again imagined the thought of smoking? Bravo! Congratulations! :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/6/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 68 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,702 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $629 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 11 [B]Hrs:[/B] 2 [B]Mins:[/B] 19 [B]Seconds:[/B] 26

Wow, Lookingglass- I can't imagine... Where is this thought coming from? One lesson is to keep moving on - moving forward. Not going back, especially when it comes to addiction. For me, there is absolutely no going back, can't even imagine. Healer [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/5/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 434 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 15,191 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2018.1 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 56 [B]Hrs:[/B] 18 [B]Mins:[/B] 16 [B]Seconds:[/B] 11