Hi everyone. I hope everyone is well.
I haven't posted a while because I have been doing so well. I'm now housesitting for some people off and on for the last month (something i NEVER would have done, i'm 18 and before this month had never spent a night away from home.) The first two days a spent there i was a complete wreck. Anxiety attacks and uncontrollable crying for two days. That wasn't fun, but the thing that awed me the most was throughout it all, I never once thought of going home or having my mom stay over with me, even though she offered. I WANTED to do and show my anxiety that I was aware and accepting of it, but wasn't going to run and hide. I got through those two long days with very little sleep but I DID IT! I've now stayed two more times with NO PROBLEMS!!!!!!! YAYAY!!!!!!!!!
Also, I had been putting off getting my drivers license because I was simply too afraid to take lessons (what the hell would I do during a lesson if I had an attack and my instructor thought i was nuts??). I finally bit the bullet and took three lessons and my exam. I did okay, some anxiety but I really surprised myself. I got my license on my first test! I also bought a car $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$............
Now I'm fully licensed and ready to hit the road, but now my anxiety decided it would come back FULL FORCE! Driving alone is really really hard for some reason! I've had my license for almost a month and still cannot drive on the highway. I still have anxiety driving the backroads to work which is only eight-ten minutes away. I can't even fathom driving any ****her from my house than ten minutes.
This is really getting me down :( I was doing so well!!!!! My mom keeps reminding me of all the steps I have taken foreward in the last few months, (i'm even back to work almost full time with NO crippling anxiety, it is so nice to be "free" there) but this driving anxiety is really brining me down. I literally FORCED myself out of the door yesterday to drive alone to work. I've also been crying on and off for two days. I'm getting ready to leave for work now and am literally shaking. but i HAVE to do it.
Can anyone here relate to this? My anxiety on the road is now starting to effect me even when I'm not driving. I'm usually anxiety free (o