I have been managing my emotional reactions pretty well lately, and trying to face my fears as the program outlined. Last Saturday night, I had a sit down dinner for 7, and out of the blue, I started sweating profusely...to me a panic attack. Fortunately two of the people I invited were abused as children, and have also experienced anxiety disorders of various sorts. They have both been in the rock musician fields in the past. I was very thrilled to have them over and to introduce them to each other, and just to have a meal and a great jam session to listen to. But, my nervous system overtook the occassion and I panicked...mind you, I did not get up and leave the room or anything; I just sat there and everybody kept talking , and I just kept wiping off my face. One of the musicians I know has had panic before too, because we had him over once before, and he had to keep leaving the living room because it was packed, and he was panicking. But this time I was the only one panicking. The other musician said that before concerts he used to have to have really strong drinks and drugs before getting out on stage, and that most of the guys they worked with did the same. SO I know they understood me...I just wish I had the talent that those guys have. I have no really good creative outlook. I have written a little and painted a little and sang a little, but have not found a focal point of artistic obsession like they have to cope with their pasts. That is what they said led them to the rock star point....interesting isn't it? Well, at least I tried to face my fears, and I had a great time after all. One of them gave me a big hug before leaving , he understood my feelings! FEELINGS....that's what it's all about. I need more people to understand my FEELINGS. Just wanted to let the world know what happened this weekend....
