I think you are asking why I relapsed?
There is a post by Lainey I think about the phases of quitting...have you read it. There is a section that talks about bargaining. I was going through that phase I believe. I had been having a lot of thoughts of going back to smoking...trying to push them away. I had a lot of thoughts of just how long it was going to take to stop thinking about it all the time. I stopped using the support from this site and my on-line friends. A misunderstanding with hubby was the turning point for me to be VICTIM - the excuse. Feeling like a victim is a hard one for me to get through. It is difficult to explain, but for me, rather than someone hurting me (eg misunderstanding with hubby) I would rather it be me hurting me (eg smoking). Doesn't hurt as much. Don't know if that make sense, but that is how it went.
Anger is a big trigger for me. It is like I become insane, can't think clearly, make assumptions, I react inappropriately. As much as quitting smoking has made me less angry, less frustrating, less inpatient, I still have those moments and it is those moments that I need to always be guarded about.
The last two times I have quit using the patch, and almost immediately (within a week) of going off them, the craves come. I don't really think I had craves when I was using the patch, and I'm not really sure I know how to deal with them. So I have learned something. Instead of just ignoring the thoughts I am having, I am taking more time with them, thinking it through, developing some coping mechanisms, so that I am more prepared. I will definately be posting more here, and for as long as it takes. If it takes forever, then so be it.
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/13/2007
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 1
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 20
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $11.50
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 3 [B]Mins:[/B] 50 [B]Seconds:[/B] 24
-
Quit Meter
$332,256.53
Amount Saved
-
Quit Meter
Days: 6138
Hours: 1
Minutes: 37
Seconds: 20
Life Gained
-
Quit Meter
45671
Smoke Free Days
-
Quit Meter
685,065
Cigarettes Not Smoked