dear group,
my name is john and i am a new member of this wonderful
support group.
i just wanted to share my past experiences with you, maybe you
folx have some ideas input - i would appreciate it.
i am 32, male, married. last year (2003) my dad died all of a
sudden (heart attack at 63) - i had to support my mom and never
really had a chance to mourn the loss - also i had my phd thesis
orals to do (6 weeks after my dad died) - at the time i had so
much strength & courage to help my mom and pass my orals
(barely made it though, but passed) - then all this year i got
married, moved to a new place, started my own business and had
a total nervous breakdown in september. for 6 weeks all i could do
was lie in bed and lay still (i was on anti-anxiety pill/sleep combo)
and am still on the anti-depressant (effexzor). when i finally made
it outside with the help of my wife, i felt afraid that something was
going to happen to me, a weird feeling of not being in control and
so i have a hard time breathing and am stiff and anxious. Ever
since my doctor took me off the anxiety pill - in early november -
i had a 10-day period of crying, i cried for countless hours every
day and was feeling the loss of my dad so strongly.
the remarkable thing that happenend during that time though,
was that i slowly was able to leave our condo by myself and was
able to walk around our building by myself - ever since i
discovered i was able to do that, i am doing this every day now.
i still have some fears of walking outside though (i cannot walk
very long or very far yet) and i do still feel depressed. so i am
wondering if i should maybe give myself more time to recover? be
more patient? is this fear (which i never had in my life before)
maybe related to my depression and trying to get over the loss of
my dad? we were real close, it feels as if a part of me has died.
even though i know its not true, i often feel hopeless, alone and
am often afraid for no apparent reason.
i would love to hear from others what their experiences are.
thank you and merry christmas to all,
john
