Hi guys, I'm up again. I think I have the flu!!!! Can't hold my head up. I think all will be ok if I can shake this.

Sorry guys so short. I haven't had good sleep for many years. But so tired these past 2 days. going to lie down while able to go to sleep Della

Josie and Henna, Thank you both for your support. I'm exhausted again. Want to continue. Mind racing again. did some panic program earlier. Henna thanks for choosing to open yourself up to me. means a lot. gotta go. D.

Della, my heart goes out to you. There€™s nothing worse than desperately needing help and having the one person you feel can help you let you down, even when you know it€™s beyond their control. I know, I€™ve been there. After I first started getting PAs and during a really bad bout of depression, I finally found courage to approach a doctor. He suggested therapy - easier said than done in UK if you can€™t afford private, least it was then. So much depends on where you live and what€™s available in your area. In mine there wasn€™t much, all they could offer was group therapy. I waited over a year (without meds or seeing anyone) and when it finally started it was hell, all types of people thrown in together, some far from supportive. People were dropping out like flies, more coming in €“ a constant turnover. But I stuck at it, telling myself no pain no gain, things have to get worse before they get better. And oh boy, did they get worse! Attacks stronger and more frequent, depression deeper, until it got to the point where I couldn€™t face it any more and stopped going. Nobody from the centre contacted me €“ not a phone call, not a letter. Nobody gave a toss. All those months of heartache and outpourings, and nobody could be bothered to check if I was okay or offer a friendly ear. I felt totally abandoned. I tried to hack it on my own, but I was worse now than before, seriously depressed, frightened to go outside. I knew I had to try again. So several months later I went back, saw the guy who€™d suggested the group in the first place. He looked down his nose at me, shrugged and said, €˜I didn€™t think it would work.€ I could have killed him. How dare they! I thought €“ how dare they play with your mind, dredge up all this stuff, then leave you to sink or swim. I think the anger helped because I managed to get out of him a course of CT. It meant a long drive to another town, but by then I was willing to try anything. After another long wait I started. What a difference. The therapist was wonderful, kind and caring, and I felt an instant rapport. She said I should never have been put in the group, it was totally the wrong thing. Suddenly I had hope again. I looked forward to seeing her, began to follow the tasks she set me €“ not always easy but she

Della, You have been such a wonderful supporter of our site and its' members. :)You are in a difficult place right now, and we are here to lend our support and advice to you. Please take it one day at at time and realise the special being that you are. The following may or may not assist you, but we hope you will take heed. There are different types of therapy out there. Some therapies involve talking about the past in an attempt to understand the problem and develop some strategies for coping, etc. The Panic Program is not talk therapy. Its not about medications either. Its a treatment program thats all about getting you actively involved in your own improvement. It teaches you things you may not understand about panic and agoraphobia, your own panic, your own panic cycle, and as you learn and get involved, you begin the journey and the process of taking back control from a fear that at the moment is controlling you,its about recovery. But maybe this idea of doing scares you and you avoid it for that reason. Ive had emails from people who say this too. Well its not about someone telling you to smarten up or just get with it at all. Its a guide, a silent teacher, and a whole program. Its like going to a school that offers a course in your very own fears and how to beat your very own fears down. How would you feel on graduation day if you could do just that? It works this way: The Program guides you through the process of getting back this control. It prepares you for this, one single step at a time, and gives you some homework to bring you along from session 1 to session 2, and onward, in a series of 12 sessions over a period of twelve weeks. Many people want help for their panic and cant afford therapy. The Panic Program is offered free of charge to you. It is worth a try, while you are waiting for your appoinment. Try to relax and do something for yourself today. Think of only you for once and revel in this moment. Hope this helps, Josie ______________________________ The Panic Center Support Team.

Hi Group and Support Specialists, I had a bad day today. My appt with my psychiatrist was cancelled today because he had an emergency. I felt like a babbling idiot when I got home, so I went to bed and the dog curled up with me. (I swear I think he sensed I needed a hug). I go to a state funded mental health clinic. The staff is knowledgeable, but they are enduring budget cuts. Their case loads are heavy, they're understaffed and underpaid. My next appt is not until Feb 10th, but I'm supposed to return to work on Feb 7th. I know I'm not physically or emotionaly ready to return to work at this time. I don't even have the energy to process a compromise about a shorter work schedule. Thinking hurts. I've only been seen by mental health counselor twice and the psychiatrist who assessed me once. I was supposed to have a diagnosis of his findings today. I feel I need to be seen by counselor more often, but there are too many patients and not enough slots to be seen more frequently. My Fibro Doc has turned my mental health care over to them now. She even recommended to my psychiatrist that I be admitted to a mental health center for at least a 14 day clinical evaluation. I'm just feeling numb, don't know if I agree or disagree. I don't like the way I've been feeling at all. I am so very confused and feel as if my emotions are "zinging" and I feel like I'm about to have major emotional setback. I can't concentrate. I have so much to consider, that I can't think any one thing through before my mind jumps somewhere else. Are there any real answers out there for me? Help, Della from SC I've gotten lost

I don't know how to say what I feel. faraway. what do i say. i'm bounced to otherside spectrum. so tired. Head thoughts rambling fast. Confused. going to bed. SC