Della, Sounds like you€™ve made a huge leap forward €“ and you explained it so beautifully too. Keep fighting those fires! Henna

Della, Thank you so much for sharing. You have been instrumental to our site! Please check in often and let us know your progress. You have indeed make a step in the positive direction. Having someone support you is always an asset. We are always here for you, Josie ______________________________ The Panic Center Support Team.

Melanie, HennaUK and all. I appreciate your responses. I can't believe it's only been 4 days since I first revealed of my home and the situation. It feels like a month has gone by and everything was in slow motion. I believed I really had a handle on my situation. I was absolutely, positively, 100%, without a doubt, SURE the root of my anxiety stemmed from years of being a workaholic, constantly stressed on the job, the stress of juggling family, career and home. Life has thrown many a crisis my way. Each crisis was like a forest fire and I've managed to deal with each one by stomping out the flames. Until, the next crisis would hit me between the eyes. The first fire was left in smoldering embers while I stomped out the second, the third would fly past me, just out reach. I'd gather my resources to run and keep it from going aflame. When I looked back to see how well I'd done, I had accomplished nothing. The smoldering embers had spread to create larger, many more uncontrollable fires. I kept coming and going until I got all turned around, couldn't remember how I got there, I couldn't find my way out. Fear would lead me, but Panic would overtake me and I followed. I would follow it until it consumed me. Before I knew it, Panic was a part of me. No matter how I tried, I couldn't shake it and overcome the Trauma of each of those fires. I began to supress all of those memories because of the intense fear I felt when remembering them. The Trappings of everyday life would continue day in and day out with the same old juggling routine. Then one day, my legs and arms grew weary. So weary, I'd stand frozen unable to move. My legs felt as though I'd stepped into concrete. The more I tried to move, the harder the cement became. My arms throbbed and my shoulders sagged toward my knees. The sensation was as though I'd been kidnapped and wrapped in chains. Large iron-like cannon balls were draped from me and hung from my arms and neck. Fibromyalgia and I had become enemies of one another and I was now a prisoner in my own body. I couldn't breathe. The harder I tried, the the chains would tighten that much more until they finally made me sleep to escape the Agony. Sleep would come to me many times in one night. But Pain would see to it that Sleep didn

I think that was a brave thing to do, Della. It€™s the most difficult thing in the world owning up to problems at home. We€™re hampered by all kinds of loyalties, and I think you€™ve taken a huge step just by acknowledging them. It sounds to me like your husband has problems of his own, and he€™s putting them out onto you. No wonder you don€™t know if you€™re coming or going. I€™m sure talking IS the answer, but easier said than done, right? Some men are so stubborn! But constantly walking on eggshells as you put it, is going to keep that ol€™ anxiety soaring. Abuse comes in many forms, including verbal, and the sort of stuff you describe is bound to undermine, especially the digs about you temporarily not working. That€™s really gonna help you back! And I bet you€™re NOT slow, just nervous, too busy worrying about getting something right to give it your full attention. Sound about right? Perhaps the Panic Program will help you pinpoint exactly where your anxiety is coming from, which I'm sure is the first step to getting it under control. Knowledge IS power, they€™re right about that. Hang in there, Henna

Hi Della, All I know is that if I had to deal with being yelled at and constantly worrying about whether my other half was going to lose it...I would never be on my way to getting better. I was in a relationship where he had a bad temper and the only thing I could do to help myself was to leave. Let your husband know how much his attitude is hindering your healing.

So Melanie, This panic program will help with my kind of stress? I don't understand what has happened to me. A couple of weeks ago I was plodding along, rather even and then WHAM the floor came out from under me. Thanks for your response. I've known for a long time that I needed to speak with him. Seems he's always agitated and there's never been the right moment to bring it up. But, I've been married to him for 28 years, I know he won't want to talk to anyone. Della

Della, You have to talk to your husband. If you can't do it on your own then you should go with your husband to your doctor. You may need a moderator, Someone who is not a close friend or a family member. Talk to your doctor first about how you are feeling. He/she may be able to point you and your husband in a direction where you can work out your feelings towards each other in a positive environment. As for being on the computer too long, you can print out our program and use it offline. This may be of some help until you and husband can talk out your problems. Hope this helps? Melanie _______________________________ The Panic Center Support Team

Support specialist: I've posted this in another heading, too. I started the panic program today. It raises a couple of questions about the 3 components of fear. My fears are not thoughts or beliefs. They are real sensations and yes I avoid it to keep the peace. My husband is always yelling at me. I don't like the yelling but I understand his frustration and the stress put on him since I've been on medical leave. I walk on eggshells and try to predict what might set him off. My daughter and I both feel bullied by him. He is not physically abusive in any way. It all comes in the form of him losing his temper. Saying things he takes back later. If something doesn't go right, he's quick to accuse. I think he has OCD. He'll go into a rage if something is out of place. (I put a pen in the slot where the sharpies go). He's very impatient. He needles me for answers on the spot if I've had to make a phone call for him. He'll drill me to death to make sure I got it right. "Did you tell them this"?, "did you tell them I don't owe that"? Blah, Blah, Blah. I'll tell him that if he didn't think I could handle it, then why didn't he do it himself? He says, he's "been at work all day, some **** body's got to work around here". If I want him to explain to me how to use the DVD player, he'll snatch the remote and yell "just move". Or,"I'm getting tired of this s%&t I am slow. My thought process is not what it used to be. I don't have a mind for understanding technical things. He has a Digital Cable box, a Dvd recorder, and a VCR hooked up to the TV. There's ALWAYS something recording. I don't dare change channels because I think I'll mess something up. He monopolizes everything in the house. We have unlimited internet. When he thinks I've been on the computer long enough, He says, "Time to get off there". "are the dishes put away". "Did you mail those letters like I asked?" He's a nagger. I'm tired of feeling like a cat in a room full of rockers. I panic when he comes home because I don't know what kind of mood he is going to be in. Yes, I do try to avoid the situation. Have I made any sense? Della