I posted this back on day 600 and cannot express how much I believe anyone beginning a quit should make 'Find another way to deal with your emotions' top of their to do list. We talk often about distraction and nourishment, dieting and overeating, exercising and clearing one's head. But I absolutely IMPLORE you if you're on a new journey to really take time to understand your emotions - how you deal with every situation, not expressly as it relates to smoking but as it relates to your very fibre. How you operate. How you function. Why you hate the colour blue or love sunflowers. Why hearing that song makes you want to scratch your eyes out or this one makes you cry for half an hour. Everything.
Over the past two years, I've learned it's so much more than 'addiction' why we smoked. To break the habit is one thing, but to silence the addict is an entirely different game. Stock up on the cold water and healthy snacks. Buy running shoes. But let those thoughts OUT, let those tears FALL and get to know yourself. Get to love yourself - again or for a start. This is your quit, this is your life. If you want it back, you must TAKE it.
Emotions, wizardry and the recovery of a saddo
Cloak and crutch.
Mask and myth. These you
need? These you crave? No, friend, these you use to hide from
reality and deny yourself a full life. Twenty
years I did this. 598 days since I
stopped. Since the smoke cleared, if
you’ll pardon the irony. Sure everyone
says their life changes when they quit smoking but folks, my life has CHANGED.
Bulllied as a kid. So
shy I couldn’t ask the neighbour for the spare house key when I was locked
out. Difficult family life resulted in a
near debilitating fear of authority figures among other psychological
weaknesses. 1+1+1 = passive/aggressive
and entirely unable to express my own wants and needs. Cigarettes provided the escape mechanism from
uncomfortable situations as well as the endorphin rush to make me feel less
crap.
They also provided a cough, a litany of other physical
ick-nesses and a sure fire way to withdraw into myself and throw away two
decades. Whoopee, enter the nightmare.
Fast forward those 20 years and 598 days and I barely
recognize who I’ve become. I can now ask
for what I want from my husband, boss and work colleagues, knowing full well it
may create confrontation - but that’s ok, I can deal with it now. I can challenge something that goes against
my opinion or core beliefs and come to an agreement whether it’s in my favour
or not. I can admit when I’m wrong. I can choose my battles wisely and debate
with the best of them. Or I can withdraw
from an argument that’s not important enough to expend the effort, and - key
here - not feel angry about it later. I
can defend myself, I can think clearly, and I’m not too late. There is still time to live. I AM living now. I am soaring.
Let us draw back the curtain at have a gander at the wizard.
At the first hint of an uncomfortable emotion, smokers are
desperate to switch it off. They race
off behind the blue cloud thinking they’re just having a moment to decompress, when
they’re actually creating more chaos in their lives by physically speeding up
their system. They inhale and exhale, mentally
reworking the thing they’re trying to avoid, layering angst on anger. Time and again they avoid the difficult act
of facing up to issues and finding resolutions.
It’s easier to walk away and smoke yourself stupid. Hell, I used to verbalise what an argument
would be like with someone who wasn’t present, just to get the anger out of my
system so I wouldn’t have to confront them.
Cripes what a saddo.
You can’t smoke a flat tire full. You can’t smoke an infuriating boss into a
kitten. You can’t smoke a traffic jam
clear, or a bill collector paid, or that burnt out Christmas tree lightbulb to
reveal itself. Smoke all you want, it’ll
still be there when you come back inside, stinking and spewing (and cursing
that bulb!)
Smokers think their lives are lacking something that a four
inch tube full of brown weeds and embalming fluid can miraculously cure. Honestly, if something so vile can replace
whatever is missing in your life, you need to rethink how badly you need what’s
missing and find something better to fill the void. Pronto.
Go now, we’ll be here when you get back.
So hey, why kill yourself?
Let’s start a campaign to help people screw up their lives without
cigarettes! Here’s one: go buy a huge
blanket, crawl under it and don’t come out for 20 years. You’ll develop the same social skills as the
average smoker.
I know, better yet…don’t take a shower, start a food waste
compost heap under that blanket, and crank up the heat. You’ll probably smell better than the average
smoker.
I never truly understood the phrase ‘the truth hurts’ until
I quit smoking. The truth does
hurt. But running away from it hurts
more. It hurts your wellbeing, it hurts
your relationships.
If you’re here and you’re quit you are a hero. If you’re here and you’re still smoking
you’re suffocating your inner hero and I hope someday it kicks your ash so you
too can be free.
Throw the smokes OUT and do it now. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’ll be the hardest thing you ever do. Fact.
But all it takes is to just STOP doing something. That’s it.
Stop smoking, don’t do it again and you’re done. You’re alive.
Bite the bullet. Take the
pain. Just do it. Every other cliché for being a tough nut. Go.
I never thought I’d reach day 6 and now still here approaching
600. I love you all more than you know
because you UNDERSTAND. Keep the faith.
x T
? We do seem to share a remarkably similar story, so I'm pulling for you from the depths. It's so bizarre to think that smoking is a coverup or symptom for anything when I'd always thought it was just a lousy habit (addiction). I know there have been times I've made decisions my family would say were totally selfish but then again when they said it they were all smokers. Since when is it a crime to look after yourself? It's not - do it! Stay strong AC.
