I wish I'd been told that I wouldn't just be quitting smoking. To choose to quit smoking is to choose to change your life forever. Your. Whole. Entire. Life. Forever.
I tried it once about 15 years ago, made it two months. Once it occurred to me the life had to change along with it I freaked out and went back on the merry go round. The second quit has stuck through piles of difficult times, most recently the loss of my father in law four days before my birthday. I did not think ONCE I'd like a cigarette during that time - something I still cannot believe.
Before this quit, I chose to change my life forever. That knowledge alone built up such apprehension. Can I do this? Why am I doing this? That made the withdrawal harder. Why do I have to change everything? It's not fair. Why do I have to suffer such emotional angst? It's not fair. But I want. It's not fair. I don't want to WANT.
In some ways the changed life has been for the worse, I'll not lie. It's not all sunshine and roses. That's a risk we have to take to survive. In most ways it's now a life that doesn't even whisper of the one I used to have.
This quitting is a complex beast. Do I like the new me? Oh yes, much better. But I now find myself in a life I hadn't planned for, one that was acceptable in its entirety before but now from some (very important bits) of it the shine's come off and (nod to nonic) the curtain's been pulled and the wizard is a putz.
It keeps changing - with every new discovery the new life shivers and knots and loosens and flies and flows like water and freezes like ice. Where it leads I will choose. The choice won't be made by a pack of stinky weeds and the fever of addiction it represents.
I wish I'd been told.
x T
My Milage:My Quit Date: 1/1/2007
Smoke-Free Days: 1078
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 24,794
Amount Saved: �6,818.35
Life Gained:Days: 93
Hrs: 22
Mins: 5
Seconds: 10
