Litsa:
Thank you for this very honest and inquisitive post...I understand your perspective here. When we seek cessation, we are working on changing ourselves in a significant manner. And change can be unsettling in the least and at its extremes a source of fear. You are right. Cessation is a rebirthing process, or as your write a recreation of sorts.
But I don't think that we are literally recreating ourselves. I think of it as making the who that I am, the who that I want to be. Once upon a time in a land far away we all made a choice to smoke. And for many of us, that choice carried with it many unforseen consequences. When first we walked down tobacco road, it did not occur to us how important this drug would become in our lives. We did not know how deeply it would impact our emotional and physical well being. How could we have known?
But many yesterdays have become today, and here we stand. We have a new choice in front of us. And that is a very sweet thing indeed. How many times in our lives do we get a chance to correct a past error?
Here is a bit out of my journal that you may find interesting. I wrote this at a time when I was trying to explain to myself why I was going through the pains of withdrawal. Maybe you can find some things in it that will shed light on what another sojouner thought. If not don't worry, but please do continue searching for your own answers. The trip to cessation is a very worthy and important goal...
stay well
nonic
YOU ARE NOT YOUR ADDICTION
Our addiction is a many headed beast, a sort of Hydra. The
addiction itself has many elements. But of all the inter-dependent pieces of
this addiction, there is one that breaks my heart more than any of the others.
And the irony of this is that the element of which I speak is one that springs
from our own inner beings. Fear.
As I read the posts, I can almost sense, beneath the words,
a subtext of pure fear. It is understandable. While fear is indeed one of the
Hydra's heads, fear is not built into cigarettes at the factory. No, we
manufacture our own fear. In many ways fear is a trick of the addiction. And we
are the magicians.
Fear does not serve us well on our journey to cessation.
Fear, in fact, keeps us addicted. Until we begin to come to terms with our
fear, we will remain addicted. Until we desire cessation because we know that
we will regain our health, we will remain addicted. Until we want freedom more
than we are willing to accept servitude, we will remain addicted.
Perhaps one way to do this is to see that we are not our
addiction. We were not born addicted. Somewhere along the line we made a bad
choice and choose to smoke. So be it.
That choice we made many years ago, is not who we are today. We should
celebrate cessation as a second chance, a way to correct a past error. How
often does that come along?
Fear is difficult to control. I have no illusions about
that. When we seek cessation, we seek change and change can be upsetting. Most
people do not particularly relish change and some do fear it. But in this case
there is no reason for fear. We need to take that fear and turn it into hope.
Fear will keep us addicted. Fear is the addiction's friend. Hope on the other
hand is the seed of cessation.
We are not our addiction. But if we are not careful it is
possible for us to become our fears. And if we choose to become our fears, we
will, once again choose our addiction...
nonic
Then I could focus on doing what I would be doing during those nonsmoking times. 
Freedom from the demon is a wonderful thing! Go on... live!!!
