Hi everyone. I don't know if anyone can help me on this one.
I have been doing pretty well, my anxiety levels have decreased up until I went down with a kind of flu thing and that triggered off some anxiety. Other than that, I haven't been doing too badly but I haven't really analysed why as I don't wish for it all to come back!
However, agoraphobia still remains a prob. I actually went camping with my boy-friend but I'm not sure if I exposed myself to too much. I mean, I know we can undergo flooding techniques but it can be hell. When I was away, I found it so hard! I had nowhere safe to run to, I felt like I was under constant pressure to be doing something, I cried a lot, my boyfriend and I argued. I know I did it and I did praise myself for that, I showed myself I was capable but it made me feel unwell, even once I got home. I was totally exhausted and I think I might have got unwell now because of trying to go camping. All in all, it isn't the best memory to have to build my confidence.
Since camping and because I haven't been well, I have hardly gone out again. But now it is the summer and the pressure is on even more. I mean, at least in the winter, us 'agoraphobics' can murmur; "Oh, no need to go out, its raining and cold" but this time of year, EVERYONE is out and seemingly enjoying themselves. We have longer days, better weather. You know what I mean. I am totally dreading the next few months.
My boyfriend and I have been invited to a barbecue at the weekend. It would mean taking a taxi so my partner can drink and for me, meeting new people in unfamiliar surroundings. All of these things scare the pants of me, they can all trigger anxiety and again, there will be no escape route, no where to run. Getting into a taxi is a very big thing for me to do and I believe, to make it all worse, that I have now associated where I live with feeling panicky so it almost automatically gets triggered off.
If I go, realistically speaking, I am very likely to get anxious/panicky. If I stay home, I am very likely to get depressed, wish I could have gone, dream alot...you know the score.
I have no time to build up to this gradually, no stepping stone steps I can take. I am worried that if I do somehow manage to go, I will bring on the anxiety again really bad.