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Insomnia?/Wonder

for 12 år siden 0 +0 / -0 218

Hey PJ...

Sorry to hear things haven't been going as you'd have liked over the last little while. Obviously you are still committed to limiting your drinking and know there are good things ahead. You can use that as motivation and as a way to provide some more confidence for yourself moving forward. Try where you can to surround yourself with positive people and really take some time to recognize the good in your life. Hopefully that will help get that confidence up where you'd like it.

As for the drinking, you mention you have gone through many parts of the program, awesome. If you haven't done it lately, you may want to re investigate the triggers, benefits to not drinking, and then some of the techniques in the "changing the rules" section. You can also revise your goals if which can also help as a motivator. Be sure to use the "SMART" goals technique as that will help with confidence levels as you begin to achieve your goals. Certain tools and techniques work better than others for each individual so hopefully you will find a couple that can get you back on track.

Continue to find things you love to do (e.g, your reading, info gathering, fishing/boating it appears), you will get a boost from that too.

All the best going forward and thanks for checking in.

Keep letting us know how things are going

Matthew - Health Educator

for 12 år siden 0 +0 / -0 234

maybe if I wasn't so bullied or picked on, or if I grew up with not such a negative father my perspective would be different. I don't feel like I am similar to my family, I just don't feel they understand who I am, and what I'm interested in. I don't want to judge, but I do find it frustrating. I'm trying to save up for a house but I don't think I can keep the burden on myself living at home anymore. It's not even just on what they say or do to me, they have done a lot of good for me. I just feel miserable, like a zombie coasting day by day. I have some direction because I'm not blowing all my money on alcohol, I am still saving.

I need to re-wire my internal framework maybe, if I'm responsible for my own actions, reactions, then I can't really point a finger in any direction but back at myself. Maybe these are empty complaints which hold no real value?

I haven't given up on a purpose for my life. I don't lay down and die, although I've tried to many times in the past. If we skip through days dwelling on regrets, we are consumed destruction. This internal torment is just so substantially detering me for normal human life. It's inhibiting me from loving anything, draining any care in the world.

I will conquer the hate for myself one day, just keep fighting.

Thanks.

for 12 år siden 0 +0 / -0 234

I'm having a hell of a time.

I've been drinking a lot lately, even while going through program. I don't know why, but I guess I just feel like I'm fit to be alone and drink. I'm sure it's the disease in me, sabotaging all my love for things, devotion, dedication. I guess I've heard so many hurtful things, I'm starting to believe them. My mother caught me drunk and said and I quote "I should call the f*cking cops and tell them you beat me so they can lock you up for good. You're a drunk, I don't care if your window is open, let them hear, you're a pathetic drunk". I've brought this on myself, I'm just miserable living here and anything I do I get things thrown back in my face. It always comes down to me being a drunk, and being ****ed up, difficult to talk to. I understand my family is reacting because they care, but I've been bullied all my life and I'm sick and tired of being put down. I've even started reading into things like Aristotle, the crusades and I am also reading the Qur'an. The latter of the books stated is not to offend anyone, I want to understand the different foundations of the global growth. How different nations, societies came to where they are. I am a broken, unconfident man, and I feel like hope is fading, but I keep shining a light on it.

Maybe my expectations of people need to change, which they already have, but I do believe that there are a lot of amazing people out in the world. I just don't want to succumb to a framework that I just don't comprehend

cont'd

for 12 år siden 0 +0 / -0 100

Thanks Charmain!!

for 12 år siden 0 +0 / -0 156

Thanks Jojo64 and Happy Thanksgiving to you!!!

for 12 år siden 0 +0 / -0 100

Hey guys,

Sorry to hear you're feeling lonely. I hope this community can be a help. I can't keep up with all the convos it seems because of time management but I'll try to an extent. I feel like I have lots of friends I'm close with but there are just certain things I feel like I can't talk about with anyone. PJ - re denial about being an alcoholic, would it help to think of it as you having alcoholism, rather than you "being an alcoholic"? I have a background in psychological education and work and we always have been taught never to refer to people as a disease, because it is something they have, it is not what defines them as a person (e.g. Billy has schizophrenia (good way to say it) versus Billy is a schizophrenic (negative way to say it))? I don't know if this helps but might be a helpful brain trick.

Good for both of you getting back on track fitness wise, that's a huge mood booster. I really want to get back into it myself. Thinking of those of your for whom this is a holiday weekend. Stay strong and happy Thanksgiving!

for 12 år siden 0 +0 / -0 156

Hi PJ,

I understand that feeling of loneliness lately. I've always had lots of good friends around but lately the ones that

drink, I can't be around. I get so bored and annoyed.

They say in AA "you are no longer alone" and its true. When I go to a meeting I feel way better after. I haven't got a sponsor yet and usually have picked people too quickly which it hasn't worked out, so I'm taking my time.

I'm going to a meeting tommorrow night. Do you have a sponsor, yet?

I see you play guitar which is sooo cool and therapeutic.

for 12 år siden 0 +0 / -0 234

Hi Charmain,

thanks for relating, I haven't talked with many people who feel the same way.

It's something I need to get rid of for sure. It just doesn't make me feel good at all.

Well, I'm back into the gym too, so we can tackle this fitness bug together. I have been feeling better since I've been back. I realize the car accident I had in August has changed somethings but I'm work through it. I've been getting stuff done around the house. I was so tired of the rat maze of wires for the computer and stuff. My father is a bit of a hoarder so there are somethings that just look crummy. But I revamped the computer room, it's nice and tidy and feels so comfortable to sit down at the comp. Before it was just chaotic and messy.

We had a speaker from AA come to group lastnight, I have met him in my last session. It was nice because this time I picked up more then I did the first time. He actually gave me the big book of AA. I've been reading it, pretty interesting. I'm still in denial of being an alcoholic, so I'm working on that. I'm not drinking a lot or anything, but healing comes deep with in. I'm so focused on how my life will change rather than how the life I was living would put me 6 feet under.

I don't usually have people to talk to about things, so sometimes I get a bit lonely. I try to voice things on here, and a few people respond which is great.

I ordered a few books, the history of the crusades, the history of vikings, and a few books about the stock market. I've read quite a bit about addiction, how it affects the mind, and that's great. I just normally have no one to talk about that with, so I have always been interested in history.

If anyone has suggestions for any African history books, please share.

things are going well, but some days I feel lonely.

for 12 år siden 0 +0 / -0 156

Hey PJ,

I know what you mean about facebook. I found out about all my ex's activities and it was really hard to get past it all

for so long. I was drinking then too. Now I go on for the games mostly and have blocked any newsfeed on him completely.

It feels way better.

I need to hit the gym more often and stay off it and get more done around my home.

Happy Thanks Giving Weekend to you!!

for 12 år siden 0 +0 / -0 234

I had a dream lastnight and my addiction counsellor was reminding me if it's not working for you why do it.

Then, I started yelling at myself about how I need to get off facebook all it does is make you misreable.

These dreams are interesting. Facebook makes me miserable because I think it makes people feel like they are part of a big social circle. Some use it for valid reasons swap photos etc. I'm not sure, I'm not bitter about it, but I've never been one to tell people how I woke up, made eggs and toast, went to the gym, bought a cd, got stuck in traffic etc.

I find the concept silly I guess.

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Insomnia?/Wonder