(I'm sorry, this goes from darkness to a tremendous amount of good, I am not bragging, but felt in the end the AHC staff should be updated. I could imagine the people I have bothered dislike I post).
Hey AHC!
Staff, members or anyone sifting by or checking in.
So I know in early April, I was going through some harsh times, and angry etc. I don't want to go into more detail then that. I had a feeling this technique would help, and will explain shortly. I figure I should give my background a bit for new users, I'm actually extremely happy at this moment, but have to keep that hush hush. This isn't a story of becoming perfect, or acting like my life is perfect. I joined this site last August, I was drinking heavily sad, feeling like crap, I was assistant coaching Baseball and had to miss games due to depression. (I hate these stories but I never keep a journal, but remember the specifics). I went through hardships with my family always getting on my case saying I will be fired etc. This is not really about me, this is about the community, which just keeps me driven. I dove into a hide of anger, insulted by those who love me. I revamped my mindset, I knew I couldn't push the blame on those who love me. I had to dig into how they are feeling, why am I so angry? I needed the space, I needed the time, the hotel room, 3 days, I needed to be able to just understand what was going on in my mind. I actually bought a dress shirt and dress pants to make it to work the next day, but I decided I was having no part of it (trust me the great stuff comes next) So we are dating back to early April, violent, angry, pissed off. Mom reminds me how her dad died from drinking after her broke his back ( I assume he was in a lot of pain. He also survived Nazi work camps, Ditto (Grandpa) Baba Grandma). Ukrainian, as the war was evolving 2 Aunts were born in Germany, my mother was born in France. My youngest aunt was born in Canada. I have no agenda for sharing this with you but I want to make amends with my anger and give you share some things with you. I don't need to, it's the internet people lie all of the time.
I have been extremely frightful at work, always walking in the doors, we had a raise review and I ended up getting one. How does this comment tie into AHC from my experience, alcohol just deprives you of anything you do.
I don't want to share anymore details,
but after the angry out bursts in April, I need to put my own puzzle together, what the heck do I like to do, why am I saying sorry for things that are out of my control?
I have slowly, worked on eating supper with my family, hanging out, not shunning myself out from the world. That time has grown into laughter and "hey how's it going" laughing, making fun of each other. My re-evaluation of everything I was doing in life, built a extremely strong bridge with my brother, when we never got a long even before the drinking. My guitar teacher/Drum teacher and I are pumped to get together to play these days.
Best part about this post, I am coaching 7-8 year old rookie ball
2-0 so far (don't care about winning)
great team, willing to learn
received an email to manage a rep ball team (travelling team) 9-10
I don't even have time to think about drinking. I grew up playing ball, I've been going to clinics, (personally I want to coach at a national level).
It's funny, we had a great game, but there were snacks
so the kids just wanted those snacks.
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