Hey David this whole panic/anxiety cycle just sucks dosnt it there is just no other way to put it.Im sorry that you have had a rough time lately i really wish i could help.I had been doing really well then as you know bam it knocks you down and it can be a real battle to get back on top again but we just keep on going on in our own frighening little worlds.We will feel better again im sure of it. So how are you and your wife settling in to married life?I hope all is well.Talk to you soon,Take care. Lulu..

Well, lulu, my cycle is back to down. But this down is not as bad as past downs. I am having obsessive thoughts that are very intrusive. But I do find things to fend them off a lot. Work is hard sometimes because I can feel my anxiety getting stronger. I have taken the practice of taking something before the attack happens. But I do not like to do that all the time. We were watching an ld Queen DVD the other night and I started thinking how sad it was that Freddie Mercury had passed away a long time ago and then some of the lyrics made me depressed. It was a shame to see him die so young. We had watched a very nice movie right before we watched the Queen one and we should have stopped there. Too much TV sometimes is not good. Anyway, not to bore anyone too much. I wanted to post so I could update you and to say hello. I see a good feeling cycle coming. I just wish it'd get here soon. :-) Anyone have any other methods on coping with these set backs? Mine work a lot, but then I run out of them. I think I need to do my relaxation CD more often, but work always gets in the way. Take care Wrestler

Thats ok David sorry its taken so long for me to reply i have had issues with my computer.Gotta love technology. How have you been the past few days?I hope things are getting better for you.Have you been out riding yet?I think riding is great exercise and to feel the breeze on your face is very relaxing.My thoughts anyway :) Are you over your flu symptoms now?To get struck down like that then have the motel shut down definately not coincedence.You must have the same sort of luck as me thats something that would happen to me :eg: I have started to learn to play guitar its much harder then i thought it would be but i will get there. Talk to you soon,take care. Lulu..

Thank you, lulu, for those inspiring thoughts. They meant a lot to me. I made it to work today and did not have any trouble. No more trouble than being stressed out from my job. LOL. I was so afraid yesterday. But I even went to my second job last night and had no trouble. I find when I go through these periods of negative thoughts, the dissociation takes over a little and that's when it starts to get a little scary, like you're not going to get out of that feeling for a while. I did have some negative thoughts today, but I mostly dismissed them by keeping busy and trying to find a humorous side. I am going to do a relaxation CD now before my wife gets home. Oh, did I mentioned how the hotel we stayed at the night of our wedding was shut down the other day for legionaires' disease? Yes, and now I think I know where my high fever and congestion came from. What a dump tat place was and the company I now work for in the hotel business does business with them. I showed a lot of people the story in the paper about it. I did get rid of the sickness in about a week, but the high fever had myself anf my wife really scared. Hers was not as bad, buit she still felt sick for a while. Take care and I'll keep you updated and thanks for that long post. It made my day. Wrestler.

David i wish i had an easy answer for you but none of this is easy its hard work dealing with these negative/obssesive thoughts, very draining.I think the one thing that has helped me so much is i have stopped fighting against them and started working with them by that i mean if i am driving my car and i start having those thoughts like 'what if i just drove straight into that building?' or 'what if a car coming at me swerves and hits my car?' i go with those thoughts instead of getting scared of them i say to myself well it would probably hurt a bit but i am strong enough to deal with whatever life throws at me.Or i say wow where did that come from i must be quite anxious about doing what im doing.I also practice deep breathing.Though it dosnt always calm me down it helps more than getting myself all tense and fearful.I also make sure i have my favourite cds playing so if all else fails i can turn up the music and sing along to try and distract myself. I think we all fear death lets be honest i dont want to die i dont think any of us do thats why we have to make the most of what time we do have here.I have a favourite quote its 'You cant choose how you are going to die or when.You can only decide how you are going to live' Have you done CBT therapy?Its help me change my thinking a lot which in return has reduced my anxiety/panics if you havnt already id highly recommend it.Id also recommend writing in a journal too,i find it helps me. I have a printout my psychologist gave me that might help you also. Identify your thinking-is it overly negative? .Try and identify what is going through your mind when you are upset or anxious. .If you are anxious you can ask yourself what negative predictions am i making. .Am i over estimating the chance of something bad happening? .Am i focusing on the worst possible outcome?(catastrophisng) Test out whather your thinking is accurate or helpful? .What is the evidence(for&against)for the thought/belief? .How likely is it that something bad will happen?(use past experience to estimate real likelihood compared to how likely you'feel' it is going to happen) .Would a friend of your view things the same way? .What are the advantages/disadvantages of thinking this way? .Is there an alternate way of looking at it?

Hi lulu. Bottom line is, the obsessive thought stuck in my head now is fear of dying. That's what caused Friday's panic and also what caused me to miss work today. I called in sick. I do not know what good I think staying home from work will do, but I was so afraid of having another attack that I called in sick. Before this obsessive thought crept back into my head, I had been having minor panic attacks or anxieties about being hurt or getting into an accident from a car coming from my right or other things. This breaks down my defenses and then the obsessive thoughts seem to come on stronger. The thoughts may be something small, like a worry or something and then the thought of mortality comes on really strong eventually. That's about as simple as I can put it. I am going to relax today and go to work tomorrow. I'll take any thoughts you have.

Hi David sorry that youve had a rough week the obssesive thoughts are horrible.When you start having these thoughts what do you say to yourself or do?When mine start up i have been writing them down on a piece of paper then writing a more positive/realistic thought next to it just to take the power off the original thought and although i may not believe the written response wholeheartedly it helps me to see that there is an alternate thought thats not so damaging.If i cant come up with a thought to counteract i ask my psychologist to help.I hope i explained that properly its so hard to express sometimes what it is i need to say. You also say you you are afraid of the meaning of certain things,what sorts of things do you mean?I will try and help if i can. Im glad your wife is supportive and helps you through your anxieties it certainly helps to have support.Take care. Lulu..

Thanks for sharing how you've been doing lulu. I had an up and down week. The obsessive thoughts came back this week and pretty strong too by Friday. I have moments and weeks where I am a rock and then I have a week like this past one where I was up and down like an elevator. I have this obsessive thought about being afraid of dying and the meaning of certain things and the thoughts started racing late Friday afternoon (around 3 p.m.). My mistake was not taking a full diazepam and also not stopping what I was doing any maybe leaving my desk and going for a walk outside. I called my wife at 3:10 and she helped calm me down. The fact that I had another hour of work left seemed like forever. But I made it! I just wish I could get the obsessive thought thing under control once and for all. They really are unwanted and unneeded things. We've had a nice weekend so far. She's mopping the floor right now after I swept it. I made dinner tonight, she made it last night. I love being married to her. I just wish I could get rid of the unwanted thoughts. I need to really get into yoga again. Wrestler

Hi David im happy to hear that you are doing better.I hope married life is treating you well. You had alot going on which im sure wouldve been why your anxiety was so high hopefully things will settle down for you now. Things are going well for me i have not had a panic attack for a couple of months now though i still have moments of anxiety i feel like im on the right path and each day seems to get easier i am steadily gaining weight, doing plenty of exercising, eating the right foods and getting enough sleep which makes a big difference in my moods even my obsessiveness with things like cleaning and germs and thoughts are lessening which is the best feeling just to think 6 months ago i couldnt leave my house i have come so far its been a hard road but im determined to make it. Keep me posted on how you doing,i check in every couple of days to see if i can help with anything.Take care and enjoy your bike riding. Lulu..

Hi again. Thanks for all the nice comments. The wedding was great and then I got the flu. LOL. I have a wonderfully supportive wife who understands and attempts to help calm my anxiety when it flairs up. I have gotten back into my exercising and the stress has lessened. But you all know how anxiety can tap you on the shoulder and say, 'i'm still here.' The best thing is to keep fighting it with good thoughts and exercise and proper diet. I have upped my meds to 50 mg of triavil. That has helped me regain my positive thoughts and has lessened the obsessive thoughts. We also bought me a bike with some wedding money at Target. Now we can go for bike rides together. I have been doing my yoga as well and my new job is paying off. Thanks lulu for posting. You've been very supportive to me. I've got to get to bed now, but I will write more later. Night all, Wrestler