Hi,
I have had a good couple of weeks, I remember thinking to myself - I might just be getting better with this!! I knew it may get worse again but it felt so good to be almost normal!
Now... I feel horrid, I feel sad and I feel lonely with it all. We have friends staying with us whom we have not seen in over a year - it started before they arrived, I got nervous about seeing them. They have been here for four days and they want to see everything around us, they want to go out for dinner, they went to the pub to watch the rugby... I haven't gone. They are shopping today, they went out last night - but I have 'the flu' - thats my excuse.
It explains the hot flushes I get, the shaking, the eyes going blurry - I am soo worried I am going to faint while they are around (I have never fainted). I just want them to go home...
They are very good friends, the kids play well together and I can usually relax around them - now they think I am probably nuts. I am shaking all the time, I just can't wait until its time for bed and then I cringe when they come upstairs for breakfast.
I just feel like I can't do this - I want to cry, I feel like giving up - but giving up what??? I cannot keep going like this! I know the panic attack I just had would go away & I would feel better. I came on here hoping desperately to see some new posts - they always seem to make me feel better. So I have decided to post myself, I just need reminding again that the chest pain goes away - it is not a heart attack, I will not faint, the light headedness is not something that has a dire cause behind it, my eyes never focus - it feels like I see black spots all the time.
Oh my, I need support here guys... I know I am having a rough time & it will pass - I will get back again to where I was, but then my friends will be gone & they will probably never want to come back!
:(
