I'm pretty shook up right now. You see, I decided to really start trying to challenge my anxious thoughts and get on the way to actual recovery instead of just 'getting by' another day. So, yesterday I did just that and amazingly enough, I had no major attacks. The day was pretty good and I felt a bit more hopeful. Then it was time for bed, I felt funny about it because I knew I was tired but did not feel like it was bed time at all. I felt a bit bewildered I suppose. I landed up falling asleep fairly quickly, but then I was waking up non stop. I must have been SO anxiety ridden because I was waking up in terror. I tried to stay calm, but I couldn't shake the thought that it was something more than just panic. I thought I was going to start losing control for real this time- enter some type of psychosis, if you will. I got more scared because my dreams felt SO real, and when I woke up each time I felt extremely confused and unsettled. I know we as panic sufferers always say 'but it's different this time', but I really felt it was. Normally the next day, I can see I was simply panicked and anxiety-ridden, but not so much this morning. I don't know, I'm just feeling really scared right now because I have been experiencing some derealization lately and once in a while I just think it's something much worse. I just needed to vent a bit and ask for any advice or support. I'm really trying to get better, but am starting to feel like maybe a lot of this is out of my control after all. I mean, I worked SO hard to have a half decent day yesterday but then at night, I feel like it was all being undone- and by no fault of my own. I'm scared. Thanks for reading...
