I had the same issue in the past. Best advice: Eliminate the silent contracts. The ones where You think he may expect something from you, so you get worked up about it. Instead tell him, that you appreciate his love & support. And that it's easier to connect when you feel there's no expectations or pressure. In my case, my husband really wasn't having "expectations" but just being hopeful. When we agreed we'd just play it by ear & be flexible to go with the flow or how that day was. Then I was able to relax and the result was being able to connect more & more likely to go through with plans. He also feels reassured that I tell him that I know it's my thing and not anything he is doing wrong. Men sometimes like to "fix" things especially if it involves someone they care about. So if you feel anxious, ask yourself, do you KNOW he expects something, or are you assuming it (by the way he talks, doesn't talk, looks at you, whatever). Then say something like, "I feel a little anxious, worrying that you may expect___, can we just go with the flow and see how it goes?" More often or not, I'm sure he'll help knowing the less pressured you feel the better the event goes for both of you. He'll see it's in his best interest as well :)
~I have to say once we eliminated those silent contracts between us, our marriage has gotten much stronger, and when I do have a setback, he's more understanding & supportive because he feels more grounded in our relationship & knows there will be good times coming again. GOOD LUCK!
