Danielle , thank you for your post and yes i will try to use this situation as an opportunity to grow. Maggie and Isabella! Thank you so much for sharing your stories , encouragements and advice with me. I felt sooooo alone in this. But with you two and Sue answering i feel so much better. When i started this post i didnt think i would get so much support. Thanks so much guys you are the best. As for the situation with my husband, i will take your advice and talk to him. And also i will do my best to spend time with him and put him and my love for him before my anxiety. Any tips on how to begin that tho? Anyway, thanks agan guys this means a lot to me :) Keep me posted on how it goes with your guys and i will try to do the same about mine :) -Diva

Wow! I am alot like you guys which isn't surprising because we share many other experiences as well. When I first had the panic attacks and anxiety my fiance was the one who helped me through everything. He said we are going to get you help, we are going to fix this, and he made me go to the emergency room the first time and get a referral to a doctor. Then I got pregnant and my anxiety seemed to let up and I didn't have a panic attack for nearly nine months. I thought it was gone, though the generalized anxiety always remained. After I had my son my anxiety got soooo bad and I felt like I was a burden to my fiance. I hated being alone, I was constantly scared and irritated, I was overly dependent on him, and I feared that all of this was going to cause our relationship to end. I held everything in at that time and didn't discuss my fears with him. It all finally came to a head and I had to let him know what I was going through and how guilty I felt for putting so much stress and responsibility on him. This was the best thing I could've ever done. What I think is best is keeping the lines of communication open and discussing all of your worries and fears about your relationship with your partner. When I did this my fiance seemed shocked and told me not to feel guilty or feel like a burden and that he was thankful for everything that I do to make his life better like keeping the house clean, laundry done, being a good mother, etc. This helped me see that I sometimes make things out to be worse than they really are and though I may be worried about losing him or pushing him away, he was not feeling the same at all. That was really good to know. Now if I feel unsure about things or like I am placing too much on his plate, I ask him and we talk about things that are good or bad, things I need to work on, and things that we need to work on. This relationship is the best one I've ever had in my life. The funny thing is that I didn't have anxiety in any of my previous relationships, this was the first, and this one is better than those. My advice is to remember it is the anxiety causing alot of your feelings and that you can take control over that anxiety and take back control of your relationship. You also need to speak with your husband and let hi

Members, Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. Others experiencing the same problem will now know that they are not alone. Just like any other anxiety trigger, use it to your advantage to do exposure work and grab hold of your anxiety in this situation. Hope this helps. Please keep us posted on this matter. Danielle ______________________ The PC Support Team

[font=Georgia]Text Oh Diva, I have SO much to say about this but it's a miracle I am typing at all right now as I am 'extremely' anxious (and feeling unwell from the new treatment) and up alone again. But I will say this for now... YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Your post, just now, made me feel like I can begin to talk about a whole other side of my anxiety that I was embarrassed by before, or I thought there was no way that anyone could relate. So, firstly I would like to say "thank you". I too, have and have had extreme difficulties even simply hanging out with my spouse sometimes. I have decided that this is probably because we as panic sufferers do not like to have to commit to things (it makes us feel confined, or trapped). In this sense, perhaps more psychologically rather than physically, but 'trapped' nonetheless. In the back of my head I am constantly ruminating or trying to battle my anxiety, or even the very convincing feeling that I am going to absolutely lose it. With this in mind, of course it's often difficult for me to be 'into' whatever activity my spouse has chosen for us at the time. Oh, I can go and on about this one matter, but instead let me just reassure you that I completely go through this as well. Also, please don't forget that we are still human beings with natural emotions and because of what we are going through I am sure we are faced with feelings of inadequacy or fears of abandonment (even if it be only on a subconscious level). I miss my spouse very much too, you know... I miss our road trips and weekend getaways to Niagara Falls. I miss having things come naturally to me sometimes and I'm tired of everything feeling like SUCH a huge task (for ex: caring for the person I love). I understand what you are going through, and I want you to know you can discuss this with me at anytime. Heh, to be completely honest all of this got really bad for me too. One day I had a major attack at home and felt quite derealized (a symptom which I was not very acquainted with at the time). I remember thinking, what if I feel scared about my surroundings more and more, even my partner"? Ever since that day, I have had days (especially when we aren't spending much time together) that I feel like maybe I am freaked out by him and my pets.

Oh Sue! Thanks so much for posting this. This situation has been so hard and so stressful for me. I have felt lost and alone about this and unsure what to do. Your post has given me much hope for me and my husband. This feeling of being afraid to lose him has added to my stress. Plus i just plain miss him. I miss having fun with him and i know my anxieties are getting in the way of that. It makes me feel better and much more hopeful now that i have read your post. I truely appreciate you sharing this with me, you cant imagine how much. <3 Thanks! -Diva

Oh Diva, I have just replied to the other post you put on ( stupid question... ) but saw this and I was so reminded of how I felt when I was going through it with my husband three years ago. Like you, my husband was a brick, and I always felt I was letting him down in some way, mostly I guess because I couldn't ' pull myself together'. That was a feeling I placed on myself tho' as he was so kind to me, and there was no suggestion that he thought I should ' get over it'. He didn't leave me, thank goodness, but I always thought he might, as it was so difficult for him, nursing me ( I had a breakdown when I first starting having panic attacks ). I found it difficult to talk about , I lied about feeling better sometimes, I was frightened he'd lose patience with me, and i added to my anxiety levels myself, he didn't !! I can look back now and see that maybe I was just plain daft, if the situation were reversed I know I'd be there for him ! So I guess what I'm trying to say ( albeit the long way round !!), is I know your feelings are real, but he is with you, he's chosen to be with you knowing that you've had/ or are having problems, so the guy must really love you !! Try to learn to relax a little, maybe alone initially, and then together, and that closeness will return I promise. Hang on in there, you'll do it, I know

Diva, Thanks for sharing. You do have to take care of you first. Have you tried the exposure work? Use this to combat those anxious feelings and take it day by day. Try making it through dinner first, then a movie and you choose the rest. Communication is also important. You can take this step by step and progress to where you want to be. It is the little things that count, so start small and expose one bit at a time :) Josie ______________________________ The Panic Center Support Team.

I will post it here anyway since i have no idea where to write this. Lately me and my husband get along just fine. But i still get anxious around him. Not when he is just around the house and such. But when he feels like venting about his day it makes me anxious. Or when he wants to directly spend time with me it makes me anxious. Now the venting thing i get. It is negative talk and thus makes me anxious so that i just kinda explain to him and he apologizes and it passes. But then i feel bad that he needed me and i wasn't there for him and i get anxious that i am not taking good care of him. As for the getting anxious when he wants to spend time with me i have no idea where it comes from! I mean me and him used to have a blast. We love to "play" together! we have tons of fun usually! But lately i can't seem to connect with him that way cause i get anxious and it pains me because i miss him. I miss having fun with him. And i can't seem to figure out how to get back there! Even tonight on valentine's, i made him supper but i didn't eat it with him.... I started eating with him but got anxious and couldn't eat anymore and went to do the dishes. I guess i feel like what if he expects something from me i can't give him? what if i panic andit bothers him? what if i do something stupid? i don't know why it is i am so scared. I think it is because i almost lost him once while i was sick. i was doing so bad and it got to be too much for him and we seperated because of it for nine months. Now i am afraid that if he is affected by my stuff he will want to leave again. So it puts a lot of pressure for me to be perfect when we are together. So then i figure it is just easier not to be too close then he can't be bothered by my stuff. I am not too sure what to do abut this but i feel sad and anxious and i miss my husband. HE is so nice now and understanding but i can't seem to get over the fear of it all. Please help me, i just want to reconnect and feel happy and good with him again... I don't want my anxiety to get in the way of that.... Thanks.... -Diva