Today, me and my husband managed to spend 2-3 hours together in the same room without me panicking. I was studying and he was playing PS@. It wasnt interactive but i figure it is a start! -Diva. I figure with desensitisation and working on this i will get there :) Thanks for the tips they really help!

Diva, Good reflection! You've identified some very possible underlying fears. If your husband has left, I'm sure it hurt. Have you ever considered couples therapy or perhaps individual therapy for your husband? It may be helpful. It may also take the pressure off you for the time being. Other than that, I can only advise you to continue with our program and the tips above. If you can start spending time with him, the lines of communication between the two of you will open and with time the other issues you mentionned can be mended. Keep persevering! Danielle _______________________ The PC Support Team

As for the underlying fear i am not sure what it is. I wish i knew because then i could challenge the thoughts that come with it! I think it is either: 1- Fear that if he is too affected by my symptoms he might leave me and so it puts lots of pressure on me to be good and feel well around him. (he had left me for a bit before when it got bad). We talked abut this and he assured me he isn't going anywhere but who knows i might still be tripping about this. 2- Fear of intimacy is tying into this. But it is highly unlickely since my husband is extremely extremely respectful about this and would not even suggest we do anything intimate atm because he knows i am not feeling up to it. So this scenario is the least likely. 3- Fear of him needing more emotionnally then i can give him. That is surely a possibility. I find my energy is very much turned towards dealing with myself and he doesn't get to be helped out as much by me. For example i can't stand him venting around me anymore like i used to it makes me too anxious. So that might be it. 4- Or final scenario, i am afraid because all the last major attacks i had were while i was spending an evening with him or while i was with him (but doing seperate stuff). Of course the panic attacks had NOTHING to do with him. It had to do with school work and all sorts of other stressors. But i might have associated the fear of the panic attacks to him. Anyway, looking at all the possible answers and scenarios i have gathered, do you have any other tips or any other advice for me? Thanks -Diva

yes thank you this does help. It feels better to know or have a general idea where to start with this. It is like having a nice flexible game plan and that makes me feel like i can do this. Thank you very much :)

Diva, It's okay to cry. This isn't easy to deal with. Be patient with yourself, you'll start working on this issue and it will get better with time. What is the underlying fear? Could it be related to your anxiety of physical intimacy? Again, start slow challenging your anxiety along the way. If five minutes is all you can do than that's great! You mentionned you are able to do things along side each other so start there. Once you are comfortable and have increased the amount time you are able to do things along side each other. Try an activity that requires a little more interaction and increase the level of interaction as you feel comfortable. Hope this helps. Danielle _____________________ The PC Support Team

I am still having difficulty being with my husband. and this has nothing to do with physical intimacy. I just have trouble interacting normally with him. And i hate it! it makes me sad and mad and scared! I want to have fun with him again. I managed to have fun with my mom, my dad and brother why not with him. I get all anxious whenever we go to have any time together. We have an evening together and i panic. We havent had any activities together since december except i think maybe three hours of t.v. watching in three different occasion since december! We do not eat supper together. We only talk when we are doing something else at the same time. We tried to have supper and watch a movie and i panicked. But i had already told you guys about that. It had gotten so bad that we rarely spend time together in the same room till the end of the day when i am medicated ( I do not take my medication till late at night or i feel drowsy all day). The only time i can remember lately that we did something together is that he helped me with making the lunches on monday for 5 minutes. and i managed not to panic during that time and thank him for his lovely help. and the por guy is trying so hard to stay out of my way so i can be calm and i know he feels like he doesnt have any room that can be his in the house except for the bedroom. Be cause of course i have not managed to sleep in my bed with him since december. And i need my sleep so badly to be able to work the program and get better that i am not even thinking of trying to get back into my bad anytime soon. So i sleep on a futon in the living room. I used to sleep on the couch but my brother bought me a futon so i could stop having back pain. he is so nice. Anyway, i feel sad and i am crying and now i am afraid i am getting depressed lol so i am anxious. I just want to be able to be normal with my husband again. Just to tell you how bad this is, the other night i got real happy because after having been heavily medicated (all my meds had been taken at the time) i managed to read my book in my futon while he was playing ps2 lying on the couch. and i managed to hold his hand (yes he knows how to play one handed lol). and i felt all happy because we handt help hands in so long. and i missed it. And i managed to

Thank you very much Sue :) I have been talking a bit more about this with my husband and he assures me he is fine and he understand why i dont have a smuch time and energy for him and that he can wait. HE has been very understanding. For now i spend time with him when i can and when it makes me feel anxious i do my own thing. I try not to beat myself up so much about it anymore but it is dufficult because i miss him and i feel defective somehow. But i try to fight the bad thoughts and tell myself i have a right to the space and cocoon i need to get over this and back to myself. Anyway, i do understand what you are trying to say and i will try to be easier on myself and understand i cant always worry about him but i need to take care of myself. Thanks a lot Sue for answering my post. It means a lot to me! Thanks everybody for your continuous support and for answering this post. It has made this situation much easier. :) -Diva

Hi Diva, you ask how to put your love before your anxiety ? The honest answer is that sometimes you can't, but thats not so bad really, you ( or anyone for that matter ) can't be completely selfless all the time. If you're able to, then do, and I'm sure the results will be great for both of you, but maybe while you're in that spot,and real close, say that maybe you could try to do that more but you can't make the promise that you will always. Does that make sense to you ? Because by constantly striving for showing love more than accepting some level of anxiety that then becomes another burden to bear, and a stick to beat yourself up with, when sometimes you just can'tdo that. Don't forget about yourself in all of this, you are important, think if you were in constant pain from some illness, wouldn't you then also have difficulty in tuning into 'love' ( sorry to sound so trippy hippy there, couldn't think of another way of putting it !!!). Give yourself some credit, I'm sure you show your feelings more than you probably realise, in all sorts of ways, but you are allowed to have anxiety / panic withoput feeling guilty, which I'm sure your husband wouldn't want you to feel anyway. When you are able, enjoy that lovely time with your husband, and if you're not able to right now, work on that anxiety first, communicate, and the rest will follow, honestly, it all takes time, but you will get there. I hope this makes sense to you, I'm not the greatest at explaining myself sometimes !!! Take good care of yourself, from a very grey, dull, overcast u.k !!!!!

Thaanks so much for sharing this with me fireman and thanks for your support. And i did add you to buddies thanks! Means a lot to me! -Diva!

Hi Diva, I have been married for 15 yrs and my attacks have gotton worse over the years but my wife has been very supportive. I think If you tell your husband how your feeling that he will be understanding of your condition. My attacks have interfered in my daily life by myself and with my spouse. I am unable to take vacations because of the overwhelming fear of dying. I start panicing about 10 miles away from home with my wife and about 4 to 5 miles by myself. Somedays I cant even leave home because of the fear of having that horrible fealing of panic.Best of luck and feel free to add me to your buddy list and again I think your husband will be more supportive than you would suspect.