Dear Diva, I am so sorry that you had such an awful day. The one thing I try to do now even though I know most people in my life do not understand it is to tell them that I have a Panic disorder. I give them a little info about the reactions I can have. Some people do not understand and never will but at least I have put it out there. Sometimes we can't help how we react to situations. You sound like a really great person Diva and don't mean to hurt others with your disorder. None of us do but when we are facing a day with a high level of anxiety our reactions may not be in the norm. I hope things get better for you :)

Diva, I am sure your friend will call. Have you talked to them about everything to see what they actually think as opposed to what you think they think about everything? That may help you feel better about things. Also, try to recognize when you are being a "spazz" before you do anything that you'll regret so you can do some deep breathing or take a walk or read or whatever. That may help you so you don't do things you will regret later. Well, I hope it all works out for you but don't beat yourself up about it. ~Isabella~

Thanks Samanthat and thanks isabella :) Well Isabelle by acting out i mean acting like a complete Spazz. I do things almost compulsively and obsessively to reduce my anxiety. But since those things are just really dumb and stupid, then i feel stupid and dumb and guilty. then i try to fix it but i make it worse! and then try to fix some more... You get the point. Then the more spazzy i am and feel the more anxious i am and the more spazzy i get. I do things that alienate people and things that make no sense. things that are completely out of caracter for me. This is not something i did today but i will give you an example to explain! I see a cool vaccum for throw rugs on t.v. so even tho i am broke i buy it cause i think i just need it! Then i realize i have no throw rugs! So i feel dumb stupid and guilty. So i go on the web and order a few throw rugs that i can't afford. Then i realize how stupid that is but i just can't undo it so i feel guilty and stupid. Then i am feeling so anxious that i call up a friend at work. She takes 5 minutes to talk to me but she tells me she is busy. But i end up calling her 7 times till she is angry with me. So then i send her 10 e-mails to say i am sorry! and can you see where this is going? And all this is well obsessive and compulsive. I can't stop thinking about it and i can't stop myself from doing it.! Then when i figure out oh ,y! I am spazzing out! what is wrong with me. I take time to think and find the root of my anxiety well theni can start controlling myself. Well today was not based on shopping or money at all but i was still fantastically spazztic until i realized i was being a spazz. Then i asked myself why am i being a spazz. Answer: because i am anxious of course. And why am I anxious: because i have an exam on Friday, So what can i do to feel less anxious: Deep breaths and studying so i feel ready. So that is what i did. I studied and i do feel a bit better now. But i still feel stupid and sorry and all that for having spazzed out for hmmm let's see 7 hours today! Everything i did was out of caracter and i coulnd't stop it till i stopped it if that makes any sense. Now i am still anxious but at least i am back to acting like myself. well, i think i am lol Anyway, i will go read a bit and go to bed.

Hey Diva. I am sorry to hear about your day. I hope you are feeling better.

Diva, Sorry to hear you are having a rough time. I am sure you won't lose a friend so try not to worry too much about it. What do you mean when you say "act out"? I guess I am just not understanding what you did to make you feel so bad. Well, I hope you feel better. Just try to be positive and know that it will get better. ~Isabella~

I am still feeling very anxious. But i have been distracting myself studying and it has kept me in check. So since last post i havent acted out to reduce anxiety. I still feel really alone and anxious tho. Anyway, see yall later! -Diva

I wish i could stop crying and just get to my studying i feel so foolish and i fear i might have lost a friend from being such a spazz today. You see he is one of the rare friends who doesn't know abuot my anxiety problems.... Anyway, i hate this. I just do and i feel alone... Anyway, just a bad day and it will pass.... -Diva

I realize i have been anxious all day. And i hadn't noticed. That made me act out really bad. I did all sorts of things i would not normally do just because they made my anxiety go down. Now i feel stupid and foolish. I am afraid i might have lost a friend over this and i feel so stupid. When i am not aware i am anxious i often act out this way cause it seems to manage my anxiety. I hate this. I feel so stupid and now i can't stop crying. I wish i could undo what i did but i can't. Not one single thing of it i can undo. I just needed to tell somebody about how stupid i felt and how ashamed. I think this came about because i was anxious about my exam on friday. So i guess i will go study. I figure if i go study it will help me feel more ready and less nervous and keep me busy. Thanks! I guess i am just having a rough day......