Well, i might be delusional but i am still hoping and praying that he gets better. I beleive in prayer and that it helps. There have been studies that show prayers help in healing. Also, i might again be delusionnal but i beleive if my dad sets his mind to it he will be ok. And this might be a way for me not to deal with this but i am ok with that i would rather just beleive he will get better. If i send out positive vibes about it in the universe it will help. So i decided that until I am defenitely told the reverse i am beleiving that my dad is well and getting better and that he will live for a long time yet. And that makes me feel better. So I am sorry if i vented at you all day i was having a bad day and everything was making me scared and sad. And i am thankful for your support and for your thoughts and everything. I know my decision to just beleive in him getting better seems naive. But he has done it before and i beleive he can do it again. Today i had just lost my way for a bit. Thanks for helping me find my strength again so that i could find my way . -Diva

Diva, Please know that what you are feeling is normal. Nobody is ever ready to lose a parent. Yes, you will experience a period of sadness and you're allowed. This is part of grieving. Time heals all wounds and in time you will move on. My heart goes out to you. Please know we are here for you through this difficult time. Danielle _____________________ The PC Support Team

Worse part is for all i know he has between a day and 30 years to live. With him you never know. He gets the very best treatment and up to now has been doing amazing. But on days like this where there is bad news i just start being afraid of losing him. I am not ready to be without my dad. I am sitting here crying and i feel like i am 6 years old and lost and i want my dad. And atm he is on a trip enjoying golfing in the sun lol and i am here crying. When i am with him i tell him i love him and i write e-mails to him daily where we talk philosophy (he loves that stuff) and i do everything to be positive around him. But some days i am here and upset and i want to be reassured and i know i can't be and i am sad and angry and it makes me soooooo anxious cause i am not ready. Anyway sorry for venting i am just anxious. -Diva

Diva, My Grandpa and I were really close and several years ago he was diagnosed with cancer. They gave him six months to live and he made it two years. I understand what you are going through because I lived it myself. I wasted the two years he was alive by worrying about him being gone, being depressed that he was going to die whether I wanted him to or not, and in my own sorrow I didn't do the things that I should've done. You must accept the fact that your dad may not be with you for very much longer so I urge you to confront this fear head on and then move on. Spend time hanging out and enjoying his company instead of time sitting around crying and worrying. Get him on video camera or record some of his stories if you have any favorites. I would love nothing more than to hear some of my Grandpa's stories or his voice again. When the time you have left with him may be short you must make the most of it and have some fun. Dig deep down inside and muster up all of your strength to be there for your dad. He will still be there for you when he is gone, I believe, so you need to make the most of it while he is here so you have those memories instead of memories of you worrying and being depressed. Speaking from experiemce, I wish this is what I would've done. I know it is hard and it is ok to be depressed about, it wouldn't be normal if you weren't so don't worry about being depressed. In times of grief, depression is a natural and healthy response and you will get through it, I know you will. Keep me posted and don't regret the time that your dad has left by focusing on yourself and your problems because there is no time for that. That was my biggest mistake and I regret that and I would hate for anyone else to do the same. I know what you are going through though. ~Isabella~

Hi Diva, I guess it is very painful emotionally for you at this stage to realise that your dad is getting worse. Perhaps challenging your sad anxious thoughts at this stage may not be the best strategy. What if you when these sad thoughts - tell yourself something like yes I am very sad and anxious as a result right now because of dad's illness. Pause , then ask yourself, what would I like to do about it right now. You will give yourself choices. Perhaps you may feel like crying more, but that is okay as it is your choice for the moment. Or you may feel like this instead -" Okay, I feel really sad but I would like to go out and say watch a movie" Diva, by getting on with your life, doesn't mean you love your dad any less. Give yourself permission to get on with your life. During times like this, perhaps spend more time with your dad so you will have wonderful memories of him. So perhaps use this time as an opportunity to create more wonderful memories of him. Also when someone you love is gone, though gone physically, your memories of them will always be with you and give you the strength to continue on. I hope this helps you. Radha

Been posting and reading the forums and been trying to distract myself and did some housework but i am just having a bad day. I hate that my dad is sick and that he is having trouble with his chemo and it makes me anxious. I am not ready for him not to be getting better!!!!!!!! I AM JUST NOT! I have been sad all day and anxious and now fearing i will get depressed again and i hate all this and i feel anxious and angry and i don't know where else to turn. I just need to figure out where i can start getting a handle on this so i can get my anxiety under control again and stop freaking out and crying. Thanks -Diva

For the last 4 years my dad has been battling a cancer that started as a stage 4 cancer (the worse kind) and it metastasized. At first they operated on him and gave him chemo and he was ok for a long while. But then last summer they founf masses in his lungs. It had spread to his lungs. Now you must understand that when he was first diagnosed they gave him 3 months to live now, 4 years later he is still around and going on cruises lol. But lately he has had trouble dealing with the lung cancer and has had trouble with his chemotherapy. IT has been making him sicker then usual. And this is bringing out all my worst fears. Now i know i cannot challenge the fact that my dad has cancer because it is 100% true. And i cannot challenge the thought it is most likely what is going to end up killing him. Now, i can't know how long he has... He has proven already that he is a miracle of stubbornness and capacity for healing beyond all medical explanation. But still i am afraid. So i don't know how to challenge this. I know I have to deal with the fact that he will be gone eventually and maybe even before i am ready to accept it. But right now i am afraid because his chemo is so hard on him and i am afraid he might die very soon. And i might be right. What i want to know is how to deal with the anxiety this causes me. I can't challenge that he has cancer and that the chemo is not going well. I am afraid and i do not feel ready to be without my dad. HE does many things for me and helps me a lot. Without him to help me out in my life i would not function half as well as i do. My life would be so much harder. On top of it while i was growing up we had a difficult relationship and it just started being good and i am not ready to let go of that. Thinking he might leave soon sends me into a panic and a crying fit and i just want to scream. I am not ready to deal with this.... Somebody please help me get a handle on how i can deal with this to bring down the anxiety so that i can be of help to him. So that i can be there for him when he is doing well and when he is doing not so well. I cannot be there for him when i am anxiety ridden and panicking. thank you -Diva Man and i thought the fact i had succeeded in geting through my midterms was the hard part of my l