So I've been getting out of the house a little more often recently. Last Wednesday, I went with my grandmother and her friend to a meeting for the art guild that they belong to, and yesterday I went to the gas station and drove around a little by myself. I felt really good each time I got home, but here's my problem. I noticed a help wanted sign at the dry cleaners next to the gas station, both of which are litterally right around the corner. I'd really like to get back to working, but my fear is that I'll get the job and then shoot myself in the foot by having a panic attack and having to quit or something. I'm at the part of the program about doing exposure work, and for the life of me can't come up with a plan to get me in the door of that place to put an application in. You see, I could go there and go in and just hang out for a minute or two, but then that would look strange to the people that work there and I definately don't want that. I could go in and just hand them my resume, but then I'd be so worried about an interview. I told myself yesterday that I would go today and apply, and felt really goo about it, but so far I can't get myself to go. I know later I'm going to go for another drive around the neighborhood, and I'm going to take my resume, just incase I get the inkling to go in there and drop it off.
I've been trying to use visualization to calm myself about working again, and thinking about being at work, I don't get very anxious. But I get very anxious thinking about going in to drop off the resume or having an interview. It's driving me a little crazy because I'd just like to get back to work, and with this place being right around the corner it would be a good place to start, you know, get used to being out of the house alone, but I wouldn't be too far away. Grr...what to do, what to do...
