Yeah Moochela I know what your going through. Its tough I know, for me it was like how can you make sense of dying, like how can nothingness exist, how does it make sense. Or when I was younger I thought what if when we die, its just pure darkness, like when someone shuts the lights off, but for an eternity. My advice is that you gotta find some way to get kinda comfortable with it. What I did was, because Im always trying to figure things out and make sense of things and death is just something you cant really make sense of, or I should say what happens after death. I just thought hey if I die Im either going to a new existence or there will just be nothing, I wont worry or be in darkness when Im dead so there is no sense in worrying about it while Im alive. Kinda weird to wrap your head around the nothingness thing though, it makes sense though I think lol. Hope this helps, at least some. Take care