I've been doing much better getting out of the house lately, that's why I haven't really been around much lately. But I can't seem to get a job...I've put resumes in at several places, and honestly I'm hoping they don't call back. I went to one place, took my resume and they asked if I had a few minutes to fill out an application and listen in on what they do. I said sure, then about ten minutes in, I freaked, made up an excuse why I had to leave, and never went back.
My mom is starting to get to the point where she's really harping on me to get a job, I think she thinks it will help, but even thinking about work freaks me out. I've tried to find telecommuting jobs online, but I don't trust any of that. I don't know what to do anymore...I've been trying to keep myself busy with all my hobbies, but I'm really starting to get antsy.
I WANT MY LIFE BACK, and I'm starting to get kind of depressed. I've been working through the program, but I'm at a point where I feel like I just don't care anymore, like this will never change. I know there will be people that are going to reply to this and tell me to look at the things I have accomplished and be proud, but I can't help thinking "Is this it? Is this how my life is going to be forever?" I started seeing a new doctor and he ordered tests to see if I have a thyroid disorder, and as glad as I would be to find out that's the cause of all my problems, what if it's not? Then what? I just want to be me again...I've already lost the last two years of my life, how many more am I going to lose?
I'm trying to find a CBT therapist in my area, but they don't seem to be separated in anyway in the phone book, so it's been hard. I stopped seeing my other therapist, because quite honestly, she was making things worse instead of helping, plus I could never get ahold of her if there was a problem or emergency. I wish there was some sort of intesive therapy program I could get into...where every waking day there would be someone there to help, answer questions, give me guidance. Don't get me wrong, I love this site and all you guys, but I need someone to kick my butt I think, someone to push me to panic so I can overcome it, because on my own...it's just not happening. I can drive to my grandparents house