Hi Kittcat.
I'm sorry to hear about your cat's illness. I once had a dog when I was little, who was ill and we were going to put her down. My mom let us see her for the last time and I burst out crying which then caused my mom to change her mind about putting her down. My dog got well(it wasn't chronic). After a few years, she ran away from home and I haven't seen her in years. I don't know what the moral is, but sometimes, they say it will take them out of their misery. Is there a possibility that you can keep him as long as you can pay for it?
I also had depression after I got my anxiety disorders. I was overwhelmed and didn't see the purpose of trying anymore. Nothing made me happy, I couldn't find any more fun, and everyday was a constant worry of whether I will have a panic attack today. But I still had a drop of hope somewhere and that hope has grown each day. I am now seeing a lot more light than I have been. It took a long long time. But the key for me was to keep communicating. I have a therapist, I go on here to vent and write about almost everything, I talk to my loved ones and I sometimes post on the depressioncenter.net. I don't watch t.v. anymore because it just adds to my depression. I like to read. Anyways, I things clear up for you. But keep writing here, it's nice to vent.