Just read more of this thread and sw the alcohol discuassion...
I used to drink. I used to binge drink. I did not necessarely drink regularly, but when I drank I drank a lot! I did a lot of stupid things when drinking. I have passed out from drinking. Blacked out...
I had so much trouble dealing with all this. This started in my early teens and I did not know how to handle myself. So once in a blue moon, even as a teenager, I managed to binge drink myself into oblivion...It lasted till my early to mid twenties.
Worse part is that sobering up is so bad...Why did I do that to myself. And I always felt bad for days after...I agree with DM that it is a depressant and I avoid it completely now. I just aplin do not drink. It makes me feel bad.
One day in my early to mid twenties, I went out. It was my friends birthday. I went out and I drank. I was having a horrible day. Had been fighting with the hubby and I felt depressed and anxious. I had had PAs that day and felt just plain aweful. Decided to drink to "feel better". I drank so much ! I lost count after the tenth tequila shot. Yes it was bad. I did so many stupid horrible things that night. I don<t remember most of them. And yet I have such regret about what I do remember...I feel so ashamed and guilty. Many years later those memories still haunt me. I remember flirting with this guy...in front of my husband...I even got his number...He was a high school friend of my husbands...I have done many bad things in my life but that is by far one of my most shameful memories. Oh man, I am crying now. Except for the people who were there that night, no one till today knew this about me. I have never told this to anyone. Please do not judge me too harshly.
I came home with my husband that night and I could feel something was wrong. I had drank so much...so much. And all of a suddent I realized although I had drank so much I was not throwing up or about to throw up I was beyong nauseua. It dawned on me that if I fell asleep like that I would not wake up...ever.
My husband was so angry with me. But i begged for his help. I told him I needed to get some out and stay wake till I was sober. I promised that would be last binge. So he stayed up with me and he actually had to help me throw up some cause I was near passing out. He held me and fed me food and stayed up and I ended up being ok thanks to him. I realize he most likely saved my life. I could have died.
The next day he took me to an AA meeting. I might have had a few glasses since. As I said, I am not a regular drinker. My problem was binging. I might have drank maybe only once every two to three months but I drank way too much. So that day I went to my first and only AA meeting. I needed to admit that even though I was not a regular drinking I had a bad relationship with alcohol, I had a problem. I almost died. I haven<t binge since. A few glasses but no binging. Then I realized that at this moment in my life even one glass makes me feel bad physically. So I don't drink at all.
I think alcohol and meds is bad. And I think alohol is bad for me. I am not trying to preach. I know many moderate drinkers and it is fine for them. My body just doesn't tolerate it anymore. And I wanted to put this out there. That alcohol is dangerous. It can kill you whether it is slowly in the long run or alcohol poisonning. Moderation is key as with all things.
I am afraid to post this. Afraid to be judged. And yet this is one of my most shameful memories and secrets. It is kind of liberating... So here goes the post button...
