As I said in my thread a few days ago, I'm back to work.
It's going better than I expected, given that there are new computer software packages in place, and I'm having to learn about them via colleagues who are quite awkward at my unexpected return - which is understandable.
My question, however, is to do with learning how to deal with what you know.
We know that we are anxious people. I didn't really know until I suffered from panic attacks, then I realised that actually - I was a generally nervous and anxious person.
I'm trying hard to adjust myself to:
1. Be aware that I'm more prone to anxiety than others.
2. Deal with anxiety as it comes.
But then there are the grey areas.
I sweat a lot when I'm nervous. It's very noticeable and makes me self-conscious, which in turn increases my anxiety.
But I don't always know that I'm nervous.
For example, I was in work today and was fine for the first 30 minutes while I was waiting for a colleague to teach me on the new computer system.
When I started being taught, however, I noticed I was sweating a lot more.
I didn't feel anxious. I felt slightly uncomfortable. But not anxious.
But I did start excessively sweating for a reason.
I suppose what I'm really asking is how do I deal with that? Not just the sweating, but being nervous although I'm not always actually aware of it.
My mind does wander throughout the day and I think that whatever I do, I'm just going to end up with panic attacks again.
But I know that I'm not going to let it happen. I won't put myself through as much as I did.
I just don't want to fear panic anymore. I'm not doing it like I was. I do not fear having a panic attack. I've realised that panic attacks may be scary for that time, but they're not lifethreatening.
I do wonder if, given time and I get back in to a routine, I will forget the fear of returning to panic attacks.
It's just been such a big part of my life over the past 8 months that I need to adjust to NOT having them anymore.
I hope that makes sense.....