Thanks all, My hub does know and in those first awful weeks I wasn't able to keep it to myself. I think deep down he knows how bad it is but accepts my good day/bad day because its easier for him to deal with, I think he may feel some guilt because it started after he almost drowned on the last day of our holiday, the signs were there before that though I just think that tipped me over the edge. I spoke to a counsellor that I paid for myself, I only went once because I wasn't comfortable with him, I'm on the waiting list for counselling through the GP but don't know how long that will take. I don't feel comfortable outside, I get butterflies before I go and just cope, I can't drive very far on my own either but I'm trying so hard not to avoid. When I say lose control I think I mean I won't be able to control my panic, don't really know what I mean or think anymore