Hi. For me it was more a case that my husband was quite controlling, not deliberately so, its part of his make up I guess. If I was baking, or doing anything really he'd come along and suggest a ' better ' way of doing things. It got so I couldn't do much with him, the thought of making a meal together, well I just couldn't !! I actually had an attack when we were hanging wallpaper together because I was so strung up about it. So we'd argue about it, and both being stubborn, neither would see the others point of view. Its not as if he was cruel to me in any way, or would laugh at my efforts, to a large degree it was my hang up, he couldn't see the problem. Or else being a man of routine i.e in from work, he'd make coffee, have bath, we'd eat etc, I'd get worked up about not having a meal ready, and not being able to bath first !! When we actually talked about it he was amazed that I felt this way, as he never complained about a meal not being ready, or anything else for that matter, a lot of it was in my head, pre-concieved idea's about how he would feel. Then when I was really ill he took over the shopping, and general looking after the house. Trying to get that back wasn't easy, but something I felt I had to do to regain some semblance of control, he always liked shopping ( unusual for a bloke so I shouldn't complain !! ) so now we each do it on alternate weeks !!
So for me that control I felt he had, or was taking made me feel like I wasn't a whole person if that makes any sense. He will always have that side to him I guess, but now I don't let him get away with it , and tell him if I think he's out of order, mistakes are mine to make, his way isn't always mine even if sometimes its a better way. He's not always right !!! All relationships are about learning I guess !
Our relationship certainly contributed to my anxiety, and subsequently my panic, but I denied it to everyone , especially to myself. It wasn't the only ' cause ', but it was there, and once I actually admitted it to myself and to him, our relationship changed, and feeling more relaxed together really helped me tackle my panic. We're not perfect neither would I want us to be, but we're having a laugh together.
I wrote the initial post as I said for a long time I wouldn't look at the relationship, but reading through some threads its does appear to me to be a contributing factor for some. Once admitted, it can be worked on, and hopefully improved. None of us asked for this wretched thing, reading through this site and feeling all the support that people show to perfect strangers, we should be expecting the same ( and more ) support from our partners, if we're not, why not ???
