wow that is some good advice :) Thank-you both, I almost watered up.
Its like my friend who is willing to come over a talk to me and do a healing on me and I haven't yet set a night, It's the fear of the first steps. She said when I am ready she will be there for me and to call when I am ready, and she will still pray for me.
I know when I go out and do little things everynight of the week and then by the weekend I can be out for a few minutes more and a few more. does that make sense? It is like I need to build myself up. My mom's wedding was this past summer and I have no idea how I did it (out of the house for 7 hours) and I had fun! maybe because it was in town and everynight before I went out in some shape or form. When it came to the wedding day I was a mess, I was nervous in the begining but just shrugged it off.
but why can't I do simple things like go to the grocery store. It is like the anxiety evolves or changes. ie last year I would only go out at night to do my running around (that is when I always felt good and could do a lot), if I had to go out during the day I would throw-up. Then I got a bit better about the day. then by this spring I was going out shopping in another town at night then I went garden shoping in the afternoon! Then I had an attack and I wouldn't go out at all. I have stating coming around to even doing simple running (post office) in the morning.
Then when everyone came to me about this I feel like I have been knocked right off the mountain that I tried so hard to climb and I am just to fearfull again to climb it.
I have worked so hard to keep anxiety out of my brain (it would get to the point that in my dreams I would tell people I couldn't go out etc).
My other friend is being so good, she works for the pregnancy center (my friend and Iwould run these big scrapbook book shows and we made an amazing team for ideas etc) well she has come to me to ask for help with this benifit thing they are doing at her work and I feel so awesome about, I want to help her and I felt like we were back together again ____and ____ little power team!
ok rambled a bit again but maybe I need to get this burden off my chest (or brain)
Sarah thank-you for the tips, I know when I walk to meet the kids I get anious and I try and push it away, but then when I try and talk myself out of it, it gets worse. maybe asking myself the questions instead will help me better. I really like 9 and 10!
Jhori82
You are right about scaring me into her office. I guess its hard to hear words like that because you are already in a situation were you are doubting yourself (and parenting could be one of them) then you hear words like that and you think to yourself could I really do that. Then you think back to earlier that morning when you had the fight with your son about having to wear underwear to school and he was refusing to put them on and wanted to go camndo and we have to be out the door in 2 min. and you start to yell and threaten to take their piece of pie out of their lunch :) I just can't see that turning into something worse. I cry when I watch the news and see or hear of stuff like that.
I guess I feel like those words stabbed me because I keep coming back to it. so I need stop and let them go and release it. *chuckle to myself*
Maybe I should set a goal by a certain date I will go into the doctors and get it over with! I will probably feel wieght off my shoulders.
