Congrats and thanks for that post. All day I have been feeling generally anxious and trying to avoid taking a Xanax. When I read your post I was able to not take one and use the techniques that my therapist has been showing me to deak with my anxiety. Knowing that there are people out there like you who are getting their lives back is inspiration for me to keep working on it. I know now that this won't be a easy obstale to overcome but at least there is light at the end of the tunnel.
You are so worth it! It is really exciting to read about your progress, thank you for opening up and sharing with us your experience! Your progress is a huge deal and we are all proud of you for working hard and being committed to a better quality of life. Now that you are making such progress, what does the near future look like for you? What is the game plan for the next few weeks?
Being so open has been the best example the program could have. It is one thing to say the program works and another to see the progression and know that it works. Keep posting. Your progress is like watching a video of it happening. Even if you get temporary set backs. It's all part of winning and people need to see it. We need to see every bodies progress and their pain when it isn't working and what they do about it. Even I need a little reminder so I never go back.
It was scary yet very exciting and exhilarating at the same time. I actually feel like I am finally going to be able to put the anxiety and ptsd behind me in time with a lot of hard work and determination on my part. I have gone through some really tuff stuff in my life but now I feel that I am going to be able to take control of my life again. I have always been able to be there for the people in my life but was unable to love and nurture myself. I was thinking while I was out working the program, that I have always been strong for everyone else and that if I could get through all that stuff that I should at least be able to do the same thing for me. I went out yesterday to the pool and survived and it was beautiful and I felt Wonderful and Alive and Free. I have not had any panic type ptsd dreams waking me up for 7 days now and have started to finally feel a little rested and more at ease. It was great sleeping without having to be on duty all night in my dreams. I want to thank you for saying that this progress is a big deal cause I think it is a great big deal too. I also want to thank you for celebrating in this victory with me. I am very proud of myself for making it this far, it took a lot of courage but you know what, I am worth it. I do have to tell myself that this is what I need to do everyday, work the program if I want to get well and survive. It is the quality of My life that matters now. I can not let the fear get to me and keep me from moving forward. I am getting better and I must persevere.
I have to tell you reading it brought tears to my ears. Normally I wouldn't admit this but I really wanted to share with you how much of a big deal I think this is! WoW! You are doing this. You are doing so amazing! Do you know how strong you are? I am in awe right now. So much progress so soon. You should feel so proud of yourself. Certainly stick with it! The world is your oyster Red! This is only the beginning!
I just want you to savour this for a moment. Red, how did it feel knowing all you have been through and how hard it has been for you to go out and now you are doing it? You did it! What is it like knowing you are making so much progress? The more detail the better! I like the long posts
First of all I want to thank you for suggestioning that I come over to the panic center. I was afraid to do but here I am doing it and I am glad I did. That was the first anxious thought that I challenged and its going pretty good. I took your suggestion to make a pledge which I have done on this site. I did some exposure work on my trip to the desert and then I came back and made another pledge went on another trip to the desert and started challenging my anxious and negative thoughts and was able to sit and visit with some women on my trip and even when out to dinner with 2 other couples which is something I have never done before. It went great and I fit in and had a really good time. What a pleasant surprise. You can read all the details on the post for pledges. Anyway I came home and was having a hard time being here at home and couldn't leave the house so I started reading the program again and reread a lot of stuff and it started to make sense to me. I thought a lot about my reasons for not leaving the house and used the 10 question list and started challenging my reasons. I knew I just had to leave if I wanted to get better so after I posted the previous post I got dressed and left the house alone around 4pm and went to the mall to do some exposure work I walked for 30 min and that wasn't enough so I went for another 30 minutes and I started to feel better. I calmed down and relaxed , I went home and I then went out to eat in a noisy restaurant and in 30 minutes I was relaxed and did not have to run out of the restaurant. I have been afraid to leave because of what I went through taking care of my husband when he was sick with the ptsd and dementia. I had to be home 24 hrs a day after he started lighting matches and throwing them on the rug and lots of other horrible stuff. I will spare you the details. Anyway I left the house today and nothing bad happened, no one died and the house didn't burn down. I feel I am making real progress. I know this is a long post but I am very excited and wanted to share the this good news with you. Now all I have to do is stick with program and not let the fear get to me and do it all over again. This is a tall order and I know I will have to make myself do it. I feel that I can do this with all of the help and support that I get here from everyone. I really do want to get well. Thank you Ashley for leading my down the right path.
This is a 12 week program and I have noticed that some go over that. You are doing remarkable for such a short period of time. One thing at a time. Do you know what a bell curve is? This is like a bell curve. You go on and on thinking you are getting no where and all of a sudden you realize you are climbing the side of the bell and then all of a sudden you are at the peak with only a little reinforcing to make it real. Just make sure you don't go down the other side of the bell. I am glad you realize that your fears can interfere and will if you let them. You won't let them will you. Take my word for it life on this side of the wall is beautiful. The fears still try to get in but they can't any more and that is one real good feeling. You will be able to tell them to go away and they will.
I loved reading this post! I know you can do this! You have so much strength in your words. I know you are nervous to face your fears but you will be a completely changed person once you do. I believe you are a lot stronger then you think you are. I think you will surprise yourself.
How have you been challenging your anxious thoughts?
I have been working on the program for 2 or 3 wks now. I can see that I have a long way to go but I also understand it took me a long time to get like I am now. I am beginning to understand where some of my problems come from and am now starting to challenge my anxious and negative thoughts. I am not sure how to deal with the ptsd which plays into the agoraphobia and hyper vigilance. I do feel I am moving in the right direction and that I need to stay the course and not let my fears get to me and stop me from working the program. I need to stop avoiding these issues I have. I am really good at avoidance and running I have got that mastered. Getting well is going to be a hard job and I am going to have to force myself to face my fears. It is something I have to do if I want to find any happiness and peace in my life. I know it will be worth it in the End. Maybe I can get this mastered too, with the help of this program,the educators and everyone in the support group the odds are in my favor. I look forward to getting well!!!
