Hi Zot,

Wow.  I so hear you.  I have been in that exact place where you are so constantly anxious and feel so detached that you wonder what is real and what isn't.  I can't connect with you on the meds, as I have to admit, I haven't taken anything for anxiety (my close friend has and she was pretty negative about the side effects, so I never tried).

But, I can tell you with every amount of belief that you CAN feel better.  As low as you are feeling, don't give up on yourself.  When you are feeling like you are spinning in a tornado and you feel like nothing can ever feel normal again, know this: it CAN.  Take your time.  Work with the program.  Take it in small, manageable steps.  CELEBRATE every success (and over-celebrate if you can!) 

I remember feeling so detached, sick, crazy, numb, scared, etc. at my lowest point.  It took over my every action (couldn't do anything I used to).  But, I worked at the program and saw improvements over time.  When I look back on it from my lowest point to now, it's amazing how far you can come.  

It's a yucky feeling to have anxiety, so do yourself a favour and work on getting rid of it.  You honestly can do it.  I believe that 100%. 

And with every success you have, you will indeed prove that to yourself.  

After your acupuncture when you feel good or when you break down and take medication is the time to do the positive reinforcing. If you feel down because you had to take a pill you will begin the downward negative spin. Instead if you admit that you had to take the pill and now you are going to make the most of it. You are going to make the most of it and be happy for as long as you can carry it and every time you start to think. "I wonder how long this is going to last this time". (neg.) shut it down with. "I won, I feel good". (pos.). You will probably lose it. But it is early and as long as you can stretch each good period a little longer than the last then you are still winning and one day the good will be there without you having to think about it. Don't get caught fighting the blues! There are things in life that are going to make you sad, like disasters! (Haiti) Feel the pain and let it pass. Think positive thoughts. You can do this. Above all don't let setbacks drag you down. Use them as a gauge of your progress. (you will have to do this when you do exposure, you might as well learn now). Tell yourself that this one was a little less than the last so you are still winning. And let it pass. Your concern is for the present and all the future presents. The past is past and you can do nothing about it so leave it there.

Have a nice day.

Davit.

Zot -

 

Wow, our situations sound so similar! I was diagnosed with GAD/panic disorder as a child and spent eight years on an SSRI. I also didn't like the side effects and was in a pretty good place so got off them nine months ago. The withdrawal and rebound anxiety was horrible, and ever since then I've been searching for ways to manage my anxiety - including St. John's wort and acupuncture - and recently started trying a different drug. I really wanted to be drug free, but I'm trying to tell myself as Davit suggested that it's something I need for now and it doesn't mean I will be on it forever.

 

I was a 100% skeptic when I went in for my first acupuncture treatment but I was desperate and it had been recommended to me by several people. I have to say that while it is by no means a cure-all for anxiety, it has definitely helped bring my overall anxiety down a couple of notches. I often feel much more relaxed right after a treatment, with a noticeable drop in overall anxiety the next day. I know there are a lot of different types of acupuncturists out there, but I've gotten really lucky with mine, so if you think you're not getting much out of your current acupuncturist maybe you could try finding someone else who is a better match for you.

 

Hang in there - I've had my share of ups and downs over the last few months too....just know you're not alone! Progress of dealing with anxiety often feels like two steps forward and one step back but at least the overall trend is improvement. I'm continuing to work with the Panic Program and other CBT and relaxation methods. It's frustrating when there isn't more immediate improvements but I figure the more tools you have in place to deal with anxiety the better chance one has of making a full recovery.

Hi Zot,

 

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. It sounds like you might have some specific questions regarding medication and dosage, should you need to find out about these things please consult your doctor. It sounds like you have explored several options, keep working through the online program. Take a look at the relaxation sessions, and practice some of the breathing exercises.

 

 

Hey

 

Well now I see what you mean. You are right, I have been thinking negatively thinking it was the right way to think. I am trying to change that, although it is not going as fast as I would like, but :). Thanks for listening again, oh and Zot, I'll be praying for you!

 

Jimmy

I want to show you two negative thoughts. Begging is a negative because it calls for doing something you don't want to do. Asking god for his help in this situation is not only positive but more appropriate since God is not a tyrant. He only seems that way if you look at him through negative eyes.

Jesus never puts a load on you, that is the job of the devil. Jesus watches over you and makes sure you never get more load than you can handle. Again negative verses positive. 

I am glad you get comfort from Jesus. But the reason it doesn't last is that you are too conditioned to think negative. Watch out for the anger it is a negative. Jesus is your friend take him with you every where you go. At work , in your car, every where. And talk to him tell him all your worries and concerns. Let him carry your load till you can dispense with it. He has very broad shoulders. And he is there 24/7. If he doesn't answer your questions it is because he knows you already know the answer.

Peace be with you.

Davit.

Vitamin D gets stored in your liver and only released as needed. It could well take a while to get rid of it. Same with vitamin A. That is why they are dangerous. Its easier to get in than out.

Your hatred of medication is working as a negative thought making it more necessary. Accept (positive thought) the fact that you need it and won't be on it for ever. You did get off before. (positive thought) You will be Ok. (positive thought)

I have put some information in my blog because it is too long to keep putting in the forums. You might want to read it. It will give you some piece of mind about medication. Or it might scare the hell out of you. I hope not.

Positive thoughts. You can put a positive spin on most situations and the few that are left don't amount to much.

Davit.

I suggest you go to a church or go in a room and just beg God for help. I find that even when I am really bad off, I can still turn to Jesus for help. It doesn't make me feel better all the time, but it gives me hope that He knows what I am going through and He won't give me more than I can handle no matter how hopeless it seems. Also, I know Zoloft helped me a lot, don't know how you will react to it, but it's worth a shot. I still have my bad days (a lot of them), but what is helping me is what I read about the "flight or fight" brain reaction to anxious situations and how it's all in your head. Granted I have a long way to go, but I'm confident I can beat the feelings (depersonalization, derealization) as I have beat them before.

 

God bless you!

 

Jimmy

I wrote some of this in my introduction post, but I'll write it again to give a background.

 

I've had GAD/panic/OCD since I was a kid.  I started taking SSRI's 12 years ago.  I was on Celexa for about 10 years.  The drugs made it so I could function and while I still had anxiety issues, they were manageable.  I also took Klonopin as needed for panic.  After a while, the Celexa didn't work as well and I didn't like the side effects.  It made me feel emotionally flat and numb sometimes, gave me the carb cravings and had sexual side effects.  So I weaned myself off of it with the help of my psychiatrist.  Things were going well.  The anxiety increased, but it was still manageable.  I wanted to try natural solutions, so I tried St. John's Wort.  I found this actually made the anxiety a lot worse.  Then, a whole mess of very stressful things happened in my life, starting a month and a half ago (might have had to move across the country, got engaged, applied to grad school, work stuff).  The anxiety came back in full force, and worse.  I started having very severe anxiety and panic, eventually landing me in the ER (which I never had to do before).  So my doctor started me on Lexapro, first 10mg, then 20mg.  It seemed like it was working, I was starting to crawl up out of the pit.  But now I'm right back down in it again.  As I noted in another post, my vitamin D levels were low, so I started taking 4000IU of a kind that contained cod liver oil. I since found out those are not good to take because you can get dangerous amounts of vitamin A and your body can be more sensitive to it.  It seemed like a couple days after I took it was when my anxiety/panic started getting worse again.  I stopped a couple days ago, but I'm still feeling miserable.  I wake up with immediate anxiety, leading to panic.  If it is the vitamin D, I've read so many different numbers about what the half life of it is, from 12 hours to 1-2 months, so if the vitamin D I was taking is causing thing, I don't know how long it will take to clear my system.  I took 0.25mg Klonopin this morning, and I'm feeling like I'll probably have to take another 0.25mg.  I hate taking that stuff, as I don't want to get addicted to it.  I just can't make this anxiety/panic stop.  It is giving me nasty depersonalization symptoms too, which makes it much worse.  I've tried the CBT techniques I've worked on with my psychiatrist, listened to a panic CD, doesn't help.  The only thing that kind of does is distracting myself with something, but I can only do that so long.  I've been seeing an acupuncturist, but I think she probably isn't very good and it doesn't seem to be having any lasting effects.

 

Anyone have any suggestions for a struggling, anxious soul?