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for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi: I like that - positive instead of negative what ifs.

Sunny

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 6252

Loves trees,

There are positive "what ifs" to counteract the bad ones. What if you do find true and fulfilling love. What if you don't try to hard and let it happen. What if you make the first move. What if rejection a few times happens, you won't die. What if you look at yourself as a truly beautiful person caring and loving. What if you look for it. What if you stop looking for faults in yourself. We are very hard on our selves, What if we start believing people when they say nice things about us. Good what ifs are a good way to neutralize negative core beliefs. What if I was to say I think you are a really nice intelligent caring person. I don't know if you are pretty, It doesn't matter to me and it won't matter to others except the wrong people.

What if you believe me, really believe. You could you know because I know I'm right.

Here for you

Your friend and believer,

Davit.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 36

Hi LT (I hope you don't mind me shortening the name). I'm not completely sure if I'm correct here, but I think I read in the program that if you are having a hard time challenging a particular thought or if it makes your anxiety level high, to work on other thoughts or come back to it at a time when it doesn't bother you so much. I know I have to work on pretty much this same thought too, one that was pretty much just like it came through my head when my anxiety was high and I was having a mild attack. I wrote the thought down and was trying to challenge it, but it just scared me more and wasn't helping my anxiety. So I decided to put off challenging the thought until I could look at it and challenge it in a positive way. Maybe something you could try doing. And something to help you out here, is think of all the people out there that do have great relationships. I mean, look at Ozzy Osbourne and Sharon, WOW! Just because your relationship isn't great right now, doesn't mean there aren't things you(or you both) can't try working on to make it great. And one more thing, I'm about to post a new topic(not sure in what section yet) about a book that I have been reading over the last 2 or 3 days, and an mp3 set that I downloaded yesterday, that have been great in helping me see and change the way I think about what I'm going through in a more positive way. And they don't take away anything from this program either, they all have been helping me together. So take a look at that as soon as you get the chance.

Stay positive :D,

-jSquared

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 356

I am struggling with using the program to address the "what if" thought that is dominating now.

I hope someone can provide some insight and show me what I am not seeing here.

The thought is "What if I never experience true love, acceptance and intimacy with another person?"

I have stared at the 10 questions listed in the first part of the program to challenge negative thoughts. So far in my life I have not had the intimacy I need. I don't know how to challenge it and find a positive belief. "Oh well" doesn't feel good at all. I can't say "oh well" to my need for belonging and acceptance and these are basic human needs after all. It feels like saying "oh well" to food and shelter needs. Not possible. Except for the very very spiritually evolved which I am not.

I know other people find a way to accept it, but I am stuck on it, and have been for years unconsciously. I have not experienced a lot of love and acceptance, few people know me, I often feel like a stranger to people who are related to me even. The question "how bad would it be" conjures up an image of me alone, lonely and disconnected despite my best efforts to have friends and loved ones around me.

Can the CBT tools apply to this? Becuase I am struggling to see how they apply. They probably do, I just don't see it right now. And of course, its upsetting to have this thought in my mind all day each day lately and also upsetting I can't seem to resolve the thought or get away from the feelings it causes. I wonder if anyone has thoughts on this that might help. Thanks.

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