Hi Everyone,
So I am only in my 2nd week and I've been browsing ahead a little and started looking at exposure work. I don't feel I suffer from agoraphobia. I can go out and about no problem. My problems seem to stem from alot of stress and I'm seriously wondering whether a counselor would help me or not.
I guess my question is this, "how do you separate yourself from stress?" I am literally surrounded by it and cannot escape it.
And without sounding weird and otherworldy-I almost feel as if I am an empath. Someone who can key into other people's feelings, emotions. It's exhausting.
So here's my scenario.
Myself: Started getting panic attacks in October 2010. Always been strong and healthy. Go-getter, first born, perfectionist..Also raised as an Army brat. Surrounded by anxiety hell.
Husband: A very negative individual. Can't find a job in this economy. And always around-hardly ever goes out of the house-so I have a chronic negative vibe-permeating the house. Just diagnosed with very high cholesterol.
Oldest daughter: 17 years old also suffers panic attacks & anxiety. Currently on 20 mg of Prozac.
Middle daughter: 13 yrs old.Attempted suicide about 4 mos ago- due to issues with school and her fathers attitude (my husband). Today numerous tests to see if she is suffering from anxiety too. Has been complaining of a stomach ache for a week. If tests come back normal-she may be put on meds too.
Youngest daughter: age 5.Goes in for surgery this Wednesday for a small cyst removal on her neck.
My dog: Has a weird rash on her belly and I'm waiting for tax money to get her checked out-have tried dietary changes.
Father-in-law: Lives in the same house and has been helping pay bills. Also has his own health issues.
Back to me: Besides monitoring my own health problems & dealing with anxiety. I have all of the above problems pressing on me -plus I am starting a new online business that puts pressure on me too. But now-it feels as if everyone will be counting on me to pay any delinquent bills and the money is not quite rolling in like I would like yet.
I am also planning on leaving my husband because of so many reasons that I cant begin to count them all- the biggest one- is that during all of the trips to the emergency room for my panic attacks-he never went once with me. When my middle daughter attempted suicide and was in the er- he did not go then either and that is his own daughter by blood. So you can say- a lack of support is one reason I guess.
I know I need to get healthy and eliminate some stress in order to move on and be there for my girls-once I am financially able-we will be moving. But sometimes I get re-occurring thoughts because of the anxiety.
What if I am not strong enough? What if I die and the girls are left with my husband-they will go nuts. Am I ever going to feel normal and strong again?
Anyway-thanks for letting me vent and if anyone has advice-please by all means-I'd love to hear from you.
Deanna