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What am I doing wrong?

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 542

Hello Everyone,

I am happy to report I have not had a full-blown attack in about 3 days, and I am so grateful, but the severe worry and generlized anxiety and depression have been rough. I still am having the body symptoms even through I can manage to ward off an attack, like last night I took my klonopin and said my prayers and was in bed and my heart started racing and missing beats....and this was after a whole pill in bed! I think I am worried about the day ahead, my son and husband leave very very early and I worry something will happen to them, and I worry something will happen to me in the long long hours I am alone, this is causing much anxiety and then I get so sad because I cannot manage to control my worry even when NOT panicking, I just want to peaceful and calm and I am afraid that will not happen because it seems my body is so sensitized and use to this state, does that make sense? I still worry about cancer, heart attack and stroke but I try to push those thoughts out of my mind, I am trying to enjoy the precious present moment, I have stopped beating myself up about the past, but so far I am unable to enjoy the present and to stop worrying about the future, I am trying to practice practice practice I am so afraid this is going to take a long long time because I have lived my life in constant worry and anxiety, and for awhile I was able to function and live like that, but when the panic and depression came all bets were off, maybe I am trying to rush things.

I just want to live my life in somewhat peace I am 50 years old and time is running out, or so I feel, I do not want this worry to cause health problems and it has already, is change possible, even for someone as severe as me? I fear death and sickness for me and my family, if I could get that thought OUT of my mind I would be better I know, does it ever go away, or just into remission? Maybe I need to give it more time through people in my life are running out of patience quick, I notice the phone never rings anymore nor do people come over since this disorder came back in my life, its a very lonely time. Thanks for listening.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi Debora: Glad to hear your gf is getting better.

I use a mantra of sorts. I use calming words as I breathe out, such as, I am at peace, I am calm, I am feeling good, all is well, I am relaxing. Those sorts of positive thoughts. Worth a try for you.

How was your wknd.?

Sunny

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 6252

Debora.

How do you feel, say, an hour after you have an attack. This is important. Can you say. "Okay I had an attack and it was a nuisance but it didn't kill me" Or are you saying, "that was horrible I wonder when the next will come". Or "I don't want another".

See if you can look at it the first way then they have less tendency to happen. Once you can do this then you can just let them happen rather than fight them. Once you find relief after the attack then the fear of having one is lessened. After all, you will be okay till the next one and the next one really won't have a reason to be there if you are not anticipating it happening.

I know this sounds like banging your head on the wall because it feels good when you stop. But it is not so. Anticipatory anxiety is a large cause of panic and attacks so if you can reduce the anticipation you will have fewer till you get to the point you have none because there is no reason to.

Davit.

PS. Have you tried a Mantra? Like: "I am okay" on the in breath, and "I'm really okay" on the out breath. Breathing slow and believing what you are saying.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 542

Thank you Sunny and Davit you are so helpful to me, everyone on this site has been. I will research the tripimine Davit, I think its one of the older TCA's, anything that would help right now I would do, I felt like such a failure at first about the SSRI's but I now realize its not my fault some people just cannot take them, the side effects went on for weeks and weeks then months, I got no relief just the side effects and was even sicker, if you can believe that, than I am right now, very bad.

That is a good idea about a GF going with me Sunny, the only problem is my only one took a hard fall in her house 2 weeks ago and can hardly walk and is on a walker, she is getting better through, she has a wonderful physcial therapist that comes to her home and helps her, perhaps in a few weeks I could ask her when she is better, her roomate through is not a very nice or compassionate person and makes it hard for us to talk sometimes, that depresses me because she is my only friend right now.

I feel very anxious right now and I am trying to "float" through it, easier said than done, for some reason an hour after I get up to around dinner time is my "bad" time and I dont know why? I am going to take my Klonopin now and listen to a relaxation tape to try to ward off an attack, it would be so nice if I did not have an attack today, followed by tears, its labor day weekend and I so want it to be nice for my family, thank you for all you're prayers support and help, I am so grateful.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1665

Debora: forgot to mention by the way, you didn't do anything wrong in picking that therapist. It just didn't work out for whatever reason - he was good/not good. Hope you find someone who is more helpful for you. :-)

Sunny

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi Debora: pretty bad side effects for you for sure. I did have some nausea and dizziness, diahrrea at the beginning but was fine after two wks. or so. I didn't feel like eating either with the nausea.

Might be a good idea to talk to your doctor about the trimipramine Davit suggested. We don't tell you what to take on the site, only share what has worked for us. Sounds like a possible alternative. Good luck.

Was wondering if you had a girlfriend who could go with you to the doctor. I remember a gf going with me in the early days. It was great to have the support even if you still feel nervous, there is someone there who cares about you and can chat with you as you are waiting, nice to have someone to share info., have a cup of tea with afterward. Even nicer if they can drive you there and back again. Just that little bit of help (love) works wonders. You don't feel so alone. If you had a gf who needed your help in this way, bet you would help her. We should treat ourselves this well too. Don't be shy to ask, they probably would love to help. We need to reach out sometimes even if it is foreign to us - I mean the ladies especially. We often do for others and leave ourselves behind.

Prayers go up, blessings come down,

still praying for you,

Sunny

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 6252

Debora.

Two things to ask your doctor about. 1: Trimipramine is considered an antidepressant and is not related to SSRIs. It has no "get used to" break in period and no taper off wash out period if it doesn't work. It is a mood stabilizer. It helps with run away emotions. It does not work on the same chemicals as SSRIs so may not make you sick. I use it when I have to which is seldom because SSRIs make me violently sick.

2: Busparone is an anti-anxiety for people that get no relief from Benzodiazapines. Again it is an unrelated drug that does the same thing without the side effects of Benzo's that some people get.

There is one other class of drug reserved for severe mental disorders but used also to calm people down who do not have a severe mental disorder. These are the antipsychotics and in this case are used only for there sedating effect. Usually a last resort.

SSRIs and Benzodiazapines are first line because most people can do them. People like me that can't are rarer.

And a final thing. Drug interactions are common and some drugs will even interact badly with cough medications, some foods (grapefruit and oranges) and iron or calcium. Some medications use the same enzymes in the liver to break them down. If your liver is not up to snuff you can get an overload of drugs in your system. This can make you sick. Even if it is good, it is a good idea to spread medications out so it doesn't work so hard.

Davit. Again this is just information. Advice is best left to the Doctors.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 542

Thank you Davit. I would love to go on an antidepressant and get some relief, the only time I felt worse than I do now is when I was on the SSRI's, I have dizziness and nausea now, but not constant, on the SSRI's it was constant I could not even eat, I was so sick I was afraid to go to sleep for fear I would not wake, it was awful after almost 3 months I had to go off them, I hear for others they are wonderful they give peoples lives back but the side effects were so bad I hardly got out of bed I lost 20 pounds in a month due to non-stop vomiting and nausea, how I wish they would invent one that would not make me so violently ill but I dont forsee that so you are correct I have to do it myself, I do need a good therapist I just hope I dont pick a non-helpful one like I have now, I so want my life back, I have a special-needs son and a unhealthy husband with high blood pressure, gout, diabeties, heart problems, he is on eight different meds! if any woman must he healthy it has to be me to help my family. I am hoping and praying things will improve for my family and I we have suffered so long, with this program and prayer I hope it will, there is nothing else that will.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 6252

Antidepressants do not cure depression as the name implies. It is just a name. What they do is put the chemicals in your brain back in order. Depression is not a normal state in healthy people. Anti depressants will allow you to go back to this normal state, but not on there own. They will calm you and leave you feeling better, but they do not cure, that you have to do yourself. If you are clinically depressed you need an anti depressant to realign things but you still have to do CBT or something similar to stop it in it's tracks. Mood effects these chemical levels so some times you can do it with out an antidepressant, sometimes not. This is really a decision for a doctor, not a member. This is only information. Just like information on the internet is just information.

Davit.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 542

Thanks Hugs that was sweet too say.

I was wondering as a question to everyone, since the panic has been so severe and such a long time and now the depression has hit full force do you think when the panic lifts will the depression lift also? I am so sick of crying everyday, my eyes and face look like I have been beaten up! Since I cannot take the antidepressants will the depression lift? Its so much to deal with depression and panic and health anxiety scares, I am so overwhelmed I am sleeping so much just so I do not have to deal with it, all I want to do is sleep because when I sleep I have no panic or no crying but I cannot sleep my life away, I tried to join the depression forum but had problems getting logged in, its probably my computer. Has anyone with severe panic and moderated depression ever recovered with antidepressants? it is possible is't it? Thanks for listening.

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