Thank you everyone for your help and replies. I actually dozed off yesterday late night doing my homework I was exhausted from all the panic and crying then my computer froze so I could not log back in. All youre posts helped me, thank you.
I would love to go on an antidepressant, I had horrific side effects last time I tried. I did not want even to list them I do not want to scare anyone because I dont think this would happen to anyone else. I tried Paxil lexapro and Zoloft, they all made me very very dizzy, that symptom I hate the most! I had blood in my stools, urine and I was vomiting blood, lexapro was the last I tried, I ended up in ER and the ER doctor said "just stop taking them" I tried zoloft for 6 weeks Paxil for 5 weeks and lexapro for 2 weeks, the constant nausa and dizziness was terrible, and the blood in all my vomitus urine and stools scared me to death, I went off them and within 4 days the physcial symptoms went away, I had no withdrawal from them or anything just relief to stop vomiting, I got so sick from them just the mention of them scare me to death, if someone told me there was a pill with minumal side effects and I would feel better I would probably put it in my drinking water! Its so very very depressing and scary to know and realize that the first line of treatment will not work for me and make me so sick, I am sick enought already and for some reason the antidepressants dont work and make me sick and I am very upset about that fact.
I would like to go to the Doctor and get tests but its hard for me to leave my home right now. In the last 2 months I went to ER for an ultrasound when my leg was hurting and I thought it was a blood clot, I was wrong, thank God, it was a torn ligament but I remember how scared I was, I actually wanted to run out of the hospital to feel better, I mean how strange is that? my blood pressure was so high they had to get it down before they treated me, I went to get an eye exam, and towards the end when I was paying I had to bolt out and I vomited outside beside a building, it was so mortifying, I dont think anyone saw me, so I am scared to go to the Doctor right now, they get upset when I am shaky like that, they do not like to put up with it and I dont blame them, so I am trying to get better get coping skills so I can get a mamogram and pap test and other things, I can still walk my dogs at night and I can go to close places but thats all, I cant go out I dont want to vomit again.
I having trouble printing the homework out my printer is malfunctioning so I am writing out the forms, I am doing everything right it seems perhaps its to early in the program to get relief, I have my klonopin I take, the side effects from that is not too bad just a little sedation tiredness and dry mouth, those I can handle, Why cant they make a antidepressant that does NOT make you dizzy and vomit? I am so sick now and I cant handle feeling worse. I am so hoping and praying that in a few weeks I feel better, I am losing hope and I do not want to lose hope, I am going to try to find a new therapist and I hope I dont make another mistake again, I need one that knows CBT and can help me, the one now my husband feels has made me worse. I have heard that CBT when done correctly works as well or even better than a antidepressant without the side effects so that is what my hope and goal is. I hope I can recover like these wonderful people on this great helpful site.