Hi justducky
I've spent a lot of time in hospitals and one thing I noticed is the nurses that don't have anxiety issues are just a bit selfish. I'm not saying this is a good thing but there is a thing called vicarious traumatization. It is common in those that care too much. All the pain around you starts to affect you.
You know that mental illness isn't contagious. You know you can't help those with major illness, only medication can. But still it seems you care. Maybe you care more than is good for you and it is causing anxiety. Caring is good. Caring when there is nothing you can do is not. This may sound cruel but it isn't. Worry over something you can't help goes round in a circle adding more pain to your memory making it too available.
You say the job pays well. Anxiety aside is there job satisfaction? Are you just feeling bad because you are not all you could be without the anxiety. I know this from personal experience. I started out in electronics and I was good with good comprehension. I could have gone far. I was also good at all the jobs I had. Once I learned to accept that I didn't have to climb the achievement ladder to be happy I was on my way to getting better.
We don't have to compete. Leave that for the type "A" people. You don't have to fit any mold.
It is okay to be just you and it is okay to like yourself the way you are.
I think if you learn to do this and learn to hold a little back dealing with life you will be okay. Then if you want to try the achievement adder again by all means do it. But only if you really want to. The truth is we can't all be what we could, but we can all be happy if we just accept this fact. Love yourself for the way you are and others will too. No matter what you do for money, for recreation or where you live.
I don't believe medication quits working. I believe people do. Medication allows you to live in a very negative painful world. Problem is that it lets you stay there getting more negative till it seems it doesn't work. Medication is not the answer. CBT is, changing all that negative thinking has to happen or it will just get worse as it fills your memory.
Just one or two positive things every day can break this negative cycle / circle. I know that working in a hospital would be a challenge by its very nature but some manage. Nothing special about them but there attitude. That voice is negative memories. All thought is based on memories. If there is nothing in recent memory (the most accessible) but negative that is what you will get an that is what you will use. Throw in some positives and your day will get better.
Is the morning fog Medication or just sadness?
CBT can help, but it takes time. I know, I had to make some pretty big changes before I got better. But I did.
Davit
