It's not about surviving the storm, it's about learning to dance in the rain.
You can not go back. You will never be the way you were, good or bad. You will learn how to live with this to the point it will no longer affect you. You will be a new person, a different person, a better person but you will never be the same as before. You have too much knowledge. Once you know what panic attacks are how can you forget other than to learn how to not have them.
Even a broken leg is not the same once it is healed but it doesn't stop you from using it and you don't think about it all day long. Do the same with your panic thoughts. They will still be there you just won't let them affect you.
Hugs, That is pretty much how it is. The present influences the future but it also becomes the past which influences how we feel at the present. Memory dictates every action.
The emotions and thoughts needed for survival still have priority. Unfortunately they are all negative. If you are just surviving your world will be negative. You need to learn to dance to offset it. Happy times and happy memories are as good of a way to do this as any.
Davit.
I am aware that the world around us is getting more difficult and more negative and often things are not what we want or can do anything about but perception is still ours. We can accept this and choose to find a little peace and happiness to build on or we can accept that much in life sucks and let it drag us down. Yes I know life sucks a lot of the time, I just choose to not let it rule me.