I am having more trouble trying to stay up and positive, more scary new symptoms are starting and its brought me down too the point where I cannot even schedule my surgery appts, it started early this morning and has continued throughout the entire day.
My husband had oral surgery yesterday so I am trying to be calm and let him heal, he had some bleeding and a lot of pain so I am trying to remain strong. This morning around 6:00am I woke up coughing choking and unable to breathe, I know this was NOT panic, I was in a sound sleep and had taken my pill and said my prayers and felt alright, I was sleeping very soundly, I suddenly woke up coughing and hacking and choking so bad my husband ran to get me a glass of water, which did help somewhat, I hated waking him because of his surgery and pain, I was grateful for his help through, its SO scary to wake up chocking and not being able to breathe! I was even turning a little blue, I should of gone to ER but I was so exhausted I just wanted to go back to sleep and I wanted my husband too sleep I know he is in bad pain in his mouth, gums.
It feels like I have "breadcrumbs" in my throat, I do not think its related to the polyp, I hope not, this just came about, plus I think I hurt my gum and tooth brushing the other day, I have a swollen gum and a swollen gland in my neck, I am using mouthwash and peroxide praying it will go away, I could not handle a dentist appt right now and I have been on two rounds of antibotics the last four weeks and hate too go on another course, there never seems to be a "let up" its always something and its scares me, the polyp surgery is all I can handle right now, and all this leads to panic attacks and chest and arm pain then I think I am having a heart attack, I would not wish this on anyone, I have stopped praying for healing just for a decrease of the symptoms, I go to bed every night with hope and prayer and faith and everyday it comes back, every day.
Is it possible to recover with all these physical problems I am having? I know chocking and not breathing is not good nor swollen glands, I guess if its no better tommorow I will have to go to urgent care tommorow or Sunday, I am hoping I do not have too, I have seen three medical doctors, one nurse, a ENT and a ER trip and I have taken the medicine and I am STILL not well and that is scary in itself, my sister said "Deb sometimes NOTHING works" I pray that is NOT true, I would hate too think I will die at fifty years old like this and nothing will work, my hope is giving out and I feel medical doctors are not helping, I do not know where too turn anymore. My friend said "deb your problem is you are not accepting this cross God gives you" I cannot agree with that, I believe in a loving God, I do not speak for God of course, noone can, but I doubt our Lord would want me sitting in a closet shaking crying panicking with heart attack symptoms or chocking and unable to breathe, I have "accepted" feeling horrible sick and half dead for over a year now, I dont want to accept it I want to change it and have it go away, I am so afraid I am going to die and leave my son, I mean how much can a body take? If I was twenty or thirty or even forty maybe I could fight it better, and it seems the more I try to change it and get well the worse it gets. Is my friend right should I just "accept and live like this" that thought is unbearable. I wish I knew the answer to get out of this hell I have been living, I would eat dirt I think just for it too end, I dont want to die like this and have my son remember how bad his Mother was, and everyday I feel like I am going to die. I need to find the answer to this and quickly I just do not know what it is.
