I'm not the most assertive person, and I don't think that's helped, especially at work, where I've left permanently. I haven't looked at the section on disputes, but I'll add that to my list of things to look at
Sometimes it is harder being the 'bigger person' and not to brood over situations or words exchanged that cause us grief or harm.
Hugs, have you read through the section of the program under 'auxillary sessions' called Techniques (for resolving disputes)? You may find some useful tips to help dissolve negative situations that arise with someone, even strangers.
How do you currently deal with stirred-up emotions or negative views whether feeling it within yourself or hearing it from others?
I realize my post probably didn't help your specific situation, because you were there in person and couldn't "hang up" on the dental assistant or whoever made the comment. I hate it when the dental person asks, "Do you floss your teeth every day? I try to diffuse the situation with humor like saying, "I plead the fifth.", meaning I'm not going to talk about it, and everyone laughs and we move on. Sometimes the humor doesn't work and I answer the question and say, "I'd rather not talk about it." It's tough not to let people bother you and I honestly don't want to stoop to their level and be aggressive back (which I've been guilty of doing at times). One time I asked what the date was and the lady said, "You don't work, do you." I was stunned at the off handed remark. I literally walked away from her and wished I had said, "I'm a housewife. I work. I just don't get paid for it." It's funny how it's easier, after the fact, to come up with a good reply. But, spending all that time coming up with a reply, means I've just been stewing about it. It's okay to get upset about something, but I try hard to let it go and not ruin my day. I'm not perfect. Some days are more successful than others. I know how it feels.
Ignoring comments is difficult to do, but I find when I start explaining myself, the conversation can go wrong and it's better to just let it go in one ear and out the other without saying anything. It's hard to do. I heard a good example. An insult is like a football being thrown at you. You can either catch it and let it bother you or just drop it and let it go. Easier said than done. And, it seems it's always us who have to change our thoughts due to other negative people which is understandably annoying. It would be much easier if people were nicer in the first place. Recently, a telemarketer was trying to sell something to me on the phone. I was kind, polite, and nice and she wouldn't take no for an answer, then I explained why I wasn't interested and she kept pushing and pushing until I finally yelled at her that I wasn't interested and not to call back. She had been calling me 3 times a day for 2 weeks and I exploded. After the conversation my blood was boiling, I was angry and felt like she ruined my day (I was allowing her to ruin my day). So, what I have decided is to not participate and be drawn into the sales game and when someone else calls to sell me something (and they will). As soon as I know it's a telemarketer, I'm simply not going to say anything and gently hang up the phone. I could have spared myself all of the grief by doing it the first time. There are always going to be not so nice people giving unwanted advice or who try to goad you into an argument or discussion. And, all there is to do is ignore it and not participate in the conversation.
I have sensitive teeth, and tried to explain this recently.
What emerged was this skewed discussion about how it was my "fault". Although I repeat the same thing two different ways, there seemed to be a need to "blame" me for feeling this pain. More specifically, it seemed to the person that it was my lack of flossing, although I stated it was my sensitive teeth, which I've always had.
I wonder what others do, when the same negative view is imposed, irregardless of the need of the needs of the other to impose their views. It's hard enough to deal with my negative views
