Your mind works very much like an expensive computer and believe it or not can work even faster, it has to or you would not be able to move or walk or do anything, including thinking. It does all this with choices from past experience which is why once you learn to ride a bike you never have to learn again. If you fall off a horse you have to get back on for one reason and one reason only, if you don't you will have logged the experience in memory for ever. To answer your question will you have to use these skills for ever. Yes and no. Yes you will but no you will not know you are doing it any more than you consciously know how to run. You just do it and don't notice and you won't know unless you persist in looking. Nothing in memory ever leaves but if you cover it up with enough other relevant information it becomes very hard to access it. In essence what appears to be forgotten. And that is what you want to do with every negative thought, even those of abuse and rape. I know a few people who were raped or abused and it no longer is a controlling factor in there life and relationships but it is still there if they look for it. But it does not control them. You can have as much freedom as you are willing to work for. CBT is changing thought patterns so you don't access unwanted thoughts. You can learn to access a positive though when a trigger sets off panic and stop it before it becomes an attack and this process will make the trigger null in time. How much time depends on how hard you work at it. But it does work. I was only mentally abused but the abuse is gone for all intense and purpose. But I can go look for it and find it and shrug it off. It has no control anymore.
I've been in your shoes and I'm so sorry you had to go through that. My father molested my sisters and I from a very young age. I actually have a memory of him giving me a bath when I was 2 years old and telling me what he did is how daddy's show their love. The molesting kept going until I was 15 when I got raped by a friends -friend, I ended up getting pregnant by the rape, I filed a police report and they tracked him down, did nothing because he was 17, a slap on the wrist and a Don't do it again speech. My father kicked me out because I was pregnant and wanted nothing to do with me. All because he thought in the back of his head that it might be his. My sister had told her teacher about what he was doing and nothing happened to him either, just an anger management class. My mother passed when I was born and my father remarried only to have my new mother beat me every day because I look and act like my mother. I had my daughter a 16 and gave her up for adoption, when I was 19 I got married and had my two boys. 14 years later I got divorced. All the while dealing with my panic disorder that later to develop agoraphobia. I have graduated college with a nursing degree and worked as I went through school and still took care of my boys, found my daughter and have a good relationship with her. Hopefully going to meet her in person soon. So now I am on here after months of searching online for books, sites, techniques, etc to help me. Nothing worked, I typed in support groups in my new state as I have recently moved to another state and here I find this site. I am so excited yet nervous at the same time about doing this program. I finally feel there is hope and one day I can stop taking those tablets for good and walk away from the panic disorder.
There is one question I have with the program... Once that day comes that I can say I am totally free of panic disorder will I always have it or will it be totally gone? Will I always have it, yet know how to control it? Or will it be totally gone? Will I always have to do these techniques to keep it gone?
I also have PTSD, depression, and insomnia. Mine is from what is considered a sexual assult too. I wanted to tell you how amazing you are for having the courage to go on here and talk about what you have went through. I have gone through counseling and through different medications to help me deal with what I have gone through. I am so sorry for what happpened to you. You are a very strong woman. I have found that talking about my situation and my emotions has helped me the best. I know its hard to do but you can always talk to me or other people on this site. I have been dealing with my trauma for 5 years now. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and that what happened to you is important. It's hard to take back your life after you feel like you have lost all control but we are all here to listen to you and support you. I am always here if you need someone to talk to.
You've found a safe and caring community on the PC forums. Feel free to reach out at anytime to seek advice and help. I agree with kaitie that it may be helpful to see a psychiatrist or psychologist.
Someone that can help walk you through the emotions and be present to listen to you, without judgement.
Take time to work through the program available to you on this site. Members have found these tools very helpful and effective to work through triggers of anxiety and depression.
What a terrible experience! And this is from someone you considered as a friend. It is totally understandable that you would start to lose trust in people, especially as the police didn't believe you- of course they could have used DNA evidence.
You don't have to feel guilty about the same thing happening to another girl, you're not responsible for this man's actions. Also, the police should have taken your statement more seriously as they are the ones who are supposed to make him realise the consequences of his actions. I know overcoming these feelings is easier said than done, but with the right support you will get there.
As for being unable to go out, you have come to the right place. Section 4 deals with exposure work and will help you take those gradual steps to gaining control again, and the best part is that you can do it at your own pace. The relaxation session may be helpful for your insomnia, and I always find playing calming music while in bed helps too- who doesn't love listening to the sounds of the ocean? There are also natural remedies available too.
Anti-depressants take about a month for the full effects to show, and finding the right dosage can be difficult too. I don't know how it works in America, but in Australia you need a referral from your GP to see a psychologist or psychiatrist. I think seeing a psychologist would be hugely beneficial for you, as they can help you process what has happened and teach you techniques to help with speaking to strangers and learn to trust people again.
In true PTSD you suffer anxiety because you can't remember the incident, only that it happened. This is because the incident is stored in a part of the brain that is not accessible. When you try you get a blank spot that you try to fill in with what you imagine happened from other traumatic memories. Some might not even be yours. If this is what you are doing then the treatment is usually an attempt to fill in the blanks with the help of a therapist and in their care because if you are successful it is very scary and you need someone skilled to show you how to handle it. This is not something that I think you should try to do alone.
I'm not saying you can't just that you should seek professional help and let us support you.
On the other hand, if you can remember the incident fairly clearly then CBT can help and you have come to the right place.
Davit.
PS, I'm a stranger, start by speaking to me. After that we can help you with ways to speak to real strangers.
In 2009 at the age of 17 I became homeless, then a friend offered me a place to stay when in April 2010 he beat me up all over his flat and sexually assaulted me for about half an hour, i couldn't escape as he had a metal security gate on his front door.
I reported it to the police and they said 'sorry, no evidence' but I knew they just didn't believe me which has now given me a huge amount of guilt because he then went on to do it to another girl.
He still lives in the flat about a mile from where I now live and I've developed a fear of public transport, dark public places and basically i cant go out, just in case I see him. I don't trust anyone not my family or my boyfriend.
The doctor just tries to give me anti-depressants which don't work, I also suffer from insomnia which I did suffer from previous to this incident but it's not 10x worse.
Where do I go to get some real help as my GP is useless? I want to get my life back on track but can't even think about a job as I can't speak to strangers.
