Some people deal with their anxiety by passing it on. This is called second hand anxiety because it doesn't come from you. By passing it on these people get relief. Often in the form of anger.
Enough of it and it can turn into a core belief making you think it is your fault.
I have a brother who does this to me. He hates everything and has to work very hard to show a different face. When the hate breaks through he becomes quite volatile. Not violent though. He leaves no room for argument so I'm left with negative thoughts and no way for relief. The only way to deal with him is to have nothing to do with him.
Thanks for your reply. I had a look through other discussions and replies and realise my situation (dealing with toxic people) isnt unique. I see from some of the other discussions that it is important not to let a person channel negative thought processes within myself and to take the power back. Sometimes it is very easy to get stuck in a situation and just get blocked by the negatvity and bad karma. I have had some serious life situations to deal with but on a positive note the outcome has been great, and I am going to give myself a break and acknowledge that it has been a couple of tough years but we have all come through it. Typing my original message, it helped to type it out - it became clearer to me that although this toxic person has had an effect on me, it is really ridiculous that I take any notice of her at all. I have allowed her own negativity and maybe low self esteem to impact on me in a way that I had started to doubt myself. And although I am aware she has spread bad press about me - that is not within my control - what is is how I see myself and I know that I am a decent person, with a broader mind. Honestly thank you for your reply and I will choose to react in future how I want to react and not a by-product of something she has said or done.
Welcome to the group. I am sorry to hear you are having conflict with these women. It sounds like an unsettling situation!
Try checking out the section on Relationships and Resolving Disputes - you might some information in there helpful. This site can help with anxiety disorders but you can also check out depressioncenter.net for information on challenging negativity and core beliefs.
What have you done to address the situation so far? How is this situation effecting other areas of your life?
This is my story ... Once upon a time I was a confident person -
really could handle any situation - worked in an office and took it all
in my stride. I always made friends easy and retained those friendships
for over 20 years.
The my husband and I and our
two year old daugther at the time decided to move to another part of the
country - for a more relaxed way of living. I gave up work and was
delighted to - to spend time with my daughter. We bought a house some
months later and moved into a small community. It was like college -
there was quite a big influx into this small area and everyone was so
nice to everyone - it was great. Slowly and over time stuff happened -
people broke into splinter groups (still with cross over - children
involved in activities). When my son arrived two years after moving
into our house - it was a lovely place to live. More people moved to
the area and I welcomed them. When my son was one my husband discovered
he had cancer - kidney cancer. His kidney was removed and he is doing
great. When my son turned 2 and a bit - he caught his hand in the side
of an escalater (while I was holding his other hand securely and
standing beside him - the gap was too large and his hand hung at the
wrong height and was dragged in). Panic, hospital, surgery and skin
grafts later he is also doing well. During this time there was one or
two unpleasant people which I became aware of - they lived close by and
seemed to take pleasure in my horror. One pointedly didnt even bother
asking after him until one day I was sitting in my car and she couldnt
go by - she asked after him but followed it up talking about a family
wedding she had coming up.
Now move on two
and half years later. These girls poisioned other girls against me.
School gates are an unholy *****ing ground. Im not good in a cat fight -
I tend to lie low and avoid people. I have good friends - these
friends have also been in the firing line by other girls (not
necessarily the same ones) but they seem to be able to handle it better
and eventually rub along again. I retrained to work for myself a couple
of years ago but can't seem to motivate myself because the school
ground politics and some difficult moms are invading my peace of mind
(sometimes to extremes) - how can I get them out of my head and get on
with my life - I am well aware that life is short and I am wasting
valuable enjoyable years on people not worthy but happen to be in my
daily sphere each and every day and as one other friend described it 'a
melting pot'. I need to retrain my thoughts and learn coping skills.
