Dear Davit: Yes, dear Davit, I hear ya. I know when things are going smoothly we forget how bad it was, or can be.
For me, when that stupid chest pain comes back or the breathlessness (symptoms) the memories of the fear and panic flood back so fast, it surprises me. I sure don't want to ever go back there. now I can tell myself it's only because I'm overtired, or I'm too stressed, gotta get back to basics, do the meditation and relaxation faithfully and the deep breathing, mindful breathing. If I become aware of these symptoms I quickly slow down and pay attention to what's going on around me and why it tired or stressed me out. This has been a bad year for me with surgery and my close friend died just about a month ago from lung cancer. I was with her a great deal of time, going for radiation, chemo and at the end, the hospice. I am mourning her loss right now, with Christmas approaching and all the acitivity, I feel sad. And also, I had a brother who died, who's birthday was Christmas day. can't help but think of him too. I figure those are stressors right now. I also am the one responsible for my mother who is going to be 93 yrs. old. She lives in a nursing home, so I don't have to do a lot of work, except the paper work, but it's the emotional strain I feel sometimes, as I am the only one who visits her and has to deal with any crisis. My sister lives in Australia and my brother in the U.S. I don't know why I'm writing all this, I guess I feel like sharing right now.
I hope you do o.k. with celexa and don't feel discouraged about taking it. You know it takes a bit of time for it to work and I hope the side effects won't be too bothersome for you. I would go back on Paxil if I had to, why not? I believe medications, properly used, are a blessing. Yes, there can be improper usage, abuse, etc. but we have to be vigilant, ask lots of questions, work with the doctor. It's like the old question "if you had diabetes, you'd use insulin wouldn't you" or "if you had a heart condition, you'd use heart medications, wouldn't you". Well, if it helps you get over the "hump" as it is sometimes said, or if it helps you manage your emotions for awhile, great. Speaking for myself, I believe this gives people a chance to relax enough to do the CBT work and learn about themselves and what they need to heal. Once you get back to feeling really well, you can work with your doctor and start to taper off if that's what you want.
Please take good care of yourself, I care about you. You have been very caring about others in these posts, so it's your turn for us to care about you....