Hi Jdoe and Hugs!
On my birthday I did NOT feel old it was like any other day, my husband even made a joke "welcome to old age" and I acutally laughed, 3 weeks later I was NOT laughing, I got so sick one thing after another, first I got a terrible flu that lasted over a week then bad broncitis from it, I just recovered from that when I had an ovarian cyst burst, terribly painful and scary, then another relaspe of broncitis right after that, if that were not enough I got a small blood clot in my leg and this all happend in less than 2 months, all these things in seven weeks! That is when I had my meltdown, I did alright over last years holidays but in january it came back full force and has not quit yet, I guess I cannot believe how long its gone on almost a year now and I am scared since its been so long "will I ever recover" The health anxiety led to horrible daily panic attacks then that led to agorophobia and then black depression, I was always crying or panicking, that has eased up somewhat but now I am left with all day anxiety {worrying about sickness and dying} and body symptoms, bad bad headaches, eyestrain and stomachaches, probably all due to worrying and nerves, the agorophobia and depression are still lingering, It seems to have lessened a little but not enough for me to function and live, this really takes awhile to get better from and I get so upset because people want the old me back, not half as much as I do, if for no other reason for my family to take care of them.
I am trying so hard to recover, sometimes I feel pressured by people {not on this site of course} just people in my life, I do NOT like being a coward and scared all the time, I use to be so strong and now I feel so weak tired and sick, I just have to hope and pray that one day I can live again, the people on this site give me hope, I dont want to panic or cry anymore, its a terrible terrible way to live, its not even living and I would not wish it on anyone. May be all recover and help one another.