Helen
You don't have anything to say sorry for. We all have one thing in common, we either suffer or have at one time.
This forward and backward is common. All survival skills are negative so although the road to success is through positive thought, triggers will still bring up the negatives that are really just a survival reaction. First step is to recognize them as that, second step is to accept them as that, and third step is to believe they have done their duty and can go away. These are the three bases for relief; perception, attitude and belief. At the point you are at you may only have the first one or two so you slip back into panic. The third will happen. Knowing this is normal and will go away is part of the third step and it will happen. Recognizing it is a big step too. In a while you will do this automatic and not realize you are doing it. Every time it happens try to form a positive reaction to it so you store a positive instead of the usual negative. Negatives are sad, mad, scared and I'm wasting my time. Positives are, I survived this, It will go, it always does, and I won. Things in that order.
Do you feel you are making some gain though. It is early.
Were you taking any medication for a cold or an infection at the time of your first panic attack? See those symptoms you had although they could be from anything are classic for med induced panic. The need to sit because you think you will fall is one of the symptoms. How close was having your first child to your first panic attack? That is a major life change that can trigger panic attacks. Could but not always. If there is a relationship with some stress around the time of the first child then by association there will be around the second, only stronger because of a core belief built around the belief that the stress belongs there. You can change that even if you never know what the stress was that caused the trigger.
Agoraphobia is a fear of having no control that manifests itself as a fear of open spaces or out doors because that is where you have the least amount of control. Your first panic attack is one of those situations. There were many things at the time you had no control of. Normally we pay absolutely no attention to them till something triggers there perceived importance. Then all of a sudden they all come crashing in. And we have absolutely no idea how to deal with them. The program through it's CBT association teaches you how to relax so they are less likely to happen and then how to neutralize them if they do. This brings them down to the normal panic and anxiety normal people have or because of your skills even less. Never an out of control attack like before. I find things that used to make me panic are now only interesting happenings.
Keep posting even if you feel you have nothing to say, we want to hear from you, we want to share and we want to support.
Davit
