Hi Josie.
I'm not sure I can answer your questions but I'll try. How did I get to this point? Well it took a lot of time and a lot of determination. The panic attacks were so horendous I wanted to just die. Literally. I actually went to a Drug and alcohol counceler to get help getting off Ativan, and she has been a God Sent. Ativan was a big factor in my panic attacks which is why I recomend people use something else if they are going to use something long time.
If you use Ativan short term it's Ok. But long term It will actually make your panic worse. ( her words ). I switched to Valium, same class drug but with a longer half life and easier to quit. Buspar is a different class but does the same thing and it's safer. (not my words but the doctors) The Anti Deppresant I used was Celexa, but it does little for panic. This class of drug can cause aggitation in selected persons and I am one of them. I worked hard to get off these things and just use Herbals and with the help of my doctor I found one to replace Ativan that didn't have the side effects of ativan. But you see I still had to have something to carry me through the bad times and I had to have a lot of faith that I could do this. I was my own worst enemy.
I had negative and impaired thoughts and was at one point suicidal. The counceler got me through this stage by showing me that I was improving a little even though I couldn't see it. She also countered My negative thinking with possitive. I could go to see here in such a mess I could barely walk and after an hour I could walk out and go shopping and go to the Library. So since it was once a week I'd scedule Most of my shopping for that day. Then I started to push the boundaries, knowing I had a safe day if I couldn't, till I got to the point I didn't need the safe day. So get a good Therapist. Oh by the way you can't fix it till you admit it needs to be fixed. If you think this shouldn't happen to you cause your not crazy and there's no crazys in your familly then you won't get better.
First off you are not crazy. But you do have a problem and you have to face it and accept that it's there. That was hard. I kept saying I was never like this, and I wasn't but I was now! It's like a drunk saying "I'm not a drunk". Yes you are. So now you know you have a problem and you have admitted to yourself you have a problem. Now it's time to fix it.
Are these coping mechanisms? I quess they are. So now you have some ways to cope, (including hiding when you have to) and some medication to control the Panic. Good!! now you can survive. But is this life? No? of course not. Now comes the hard part. Now comes the time consuming part. Now comes pain heart ache tears and dissapointment. And there will be lots of that, but if you stick with it you will win. I DID I WON! I leave it to the program here to do the rest for you and it will.
Don't skip, don't run ahead. Slow and steady. Above all else don't fight it. you can't force it. You want to be able to be able to look it in the face and laugh. You don't want to go around with your fists clenched always waiting for it to attack. It may never Disapear totally, but I can guaranty that after you get to the point when you can accept it's happening and laugh then one day you will discover that it has just faded away. If it comes back again during times of high stress or trauma (which is natural) you will have the skill to cope and it will have no control over you. Remember if you can handle it then there is nothing to handle. ( my quote for the day.) Did I use part of the program? Well I guess since I was pretty much doing all it says even before I found this site. I would say. YES I WAS.
There are no short cuts,unless you want to be a potato. Follow the program, learn to beat it not just live with it. Now just a few last minute comments. I know I'm getting older and life is getting harder but I now have the skill to handle it.
I know I can post here if I have to and talking about it helps as you can see by my and other peoples posts. If I get another panic attack I won't be surprised after all the first one came with no warning, but now I can control it not it me. That is a really good feeling. A really really good feeling. Don't ever think of yourself as a freek, if you knew how many people are suffering just like you, you would cry. Finally. Please forgive any spelling and gramar mistakes I made, it's been a long day. (11:30 P.M. my time)
Peace every one.
Davit.
