Thank you for answering my post. I was beginning to think that noone would. Sometimes it's so hard to accept the reality that I will probably be dealing with this for the rest of my life. I try to remember that the good times usually outweight the hard ones but sometimes I feel like I'm swimming upstream...hence the title of my post. My therapist is just a few years away from retirement and I am terrified that I won't be better before he does. Pretty silly huh? Well, thanks again. It's good to know that there is hope.
Ladyblue, you remind me of me. I have been dealing with diagnosed Major depression for about 4 years now and I probably had it for a lot longer than that. I have anxiety as a big symptom too. I had to give up my career because it was just too stressful and it made the MD worse, then we had to make a major move for my husband's job. It seems like whenever I start to feel stable enough to try something new, ie new job or trying my hand at art or writing at home again--symptoms flare up. I had to get a new therapist too--I think its normal to feel dependant on therapist when symptoms are more acute--although it helped me to know I could survive switching when I had to.
I have been in treatment for over five years but have probably had major depression for most of my life. I have a wonderful psychologist and am seeing a psychiatrist every 3 months to keep my meds updated. I also have an anxiety disorder. It just seems like I get one part of my illness under control and another flairs up. The depression isn't great right now but it is better than it has been in the past, now my anxiety level has increased substantially. In the past I had frequent bouts of mild dissociation and depersonalization which the meds seem to have been controlling. Then a few days ago I had a major panic attack at home and ended up not remembering most of what went on. It wasn't until my psychologist called that I started to get a hold of reality again. It is so frustrating. From the outside I look like a very intelligent, together person, but inside I feel like I just can't keep it all together. On the plus side my husband is very kind to me, though admittedly he is baffled about how best to help me. How do others deal with the ups and downs and the unpredictability of the illness? I feel very dependent on my therapist right now and wonder if this is normal.
