mojo, Do you have a hobby? What about relaxation techniques? Stretching is a great stress release, and a hobby will keep you and your mind occupied. Try speaking to your doctor regarding light exercise as well. Take it one step at a time and try one thing at a time and see which you like better. Hope this helps, Josie ______________________________ The Panic Center Support Team.

Thanks to you all who replied to my post with your kind and wise words. I have managed to pluck up the courage to tell my partner how things are and of course his reaction was "what are you depressed about?" THE question that I can not answer. He has been supportive though. I've had some good days, but still some bads ones too. Today being a good one, I feel that those **** clouds hanging over my head aren't quite so black and thundery! I'm still finding it difficult to keep myself occupied, frequently catch myself wallowing in despair. Any suggestions anyone?

To sers with love; - Emily Dickson said; "Hope is a thing with feathers that perches in the soul..." Don't give up hope. It's the most important thing you have.

Saw a response to MOJO from the "team" associated with this group, signed JOSIE. What is meant, by "take the first step, pick up the phone"? Is this site offering services? What does the phone call lead to? Sounds like a solicitation for business, or is that just my pessimism coming through. If it is a solicitation, what do services cost? If it is a solicitation, this forum seems like a cruel hoax with an underlying intent to hook customers. Cruel because people that come to this site have real needs they beleive will be addressed here, not after a phone call and "further arrangements" are made. Hmmm.

I'm new. Synopsis: 1997 lost my first son, 17 years of age to suicide; 1997-1999 numb; working for my husband - secretary; 2000, still numb, sad because my husband didn't invest in his family, and I find myself increasingly responsible for providing anything beyond bare necssities which husband provides; 2001, 02: still numb, working on strengthening job skills; working 1/2 time for husband and 1/2 for another business - secretary. December 2003: admitted by emergency room (no health coverage) for hematocrit so low doctor wrote "did not think human life compatible with this blood count" spent 3 days "vacation" being transfused; several months later, returned for more transfusions; Feb, 04, huband moves out to do his own thing in another town; no support because he does't earn enough; I get a paralegal certificate and chalk up a huge student loan debt; we move from the four bedroom house we'd been renting to a duplex; no help from husband. This takes months; completed January 11, 2005; fire breaks out on afternoon of January 11, 2005 burning one room up and all its contents; lucky we didn;'t lose it all; month before 15 year old put his hand through grinding wheel in shop class...emergency room, no health insurance; can't pay the bills, no renter's insurance for fire so may be facing subrogation claim; working for a boss who's impossible, but can't afford to quit...this man has had 7 assistants in one year; all the other people in office say, "you're still here?" or "you've lasted the longest" I tell you truly, he is difficult and contentious. no benefits but can keep roof (duplex) over our heads. I am exhausted trying to balance it all, and many times imagine shooting myself as I lay comfortably on my rug and pillows in the corner of the room where I sleep. I just don't want to wake up. My blood is still low, same health issue exists, and the day to day problems seem like too much. Drive a beat up car, and have to keep up the "face" when the reality is we are broke, sick, tired and having absolutely nothing to fall back on. Suggestions? I am not complaining, but I am trying to stay on top of this. I think life is hard for everyone, even those in better financial condition. But I am really shakey,and it doesn't seem to get better even though

Hi Mojo. I can surely relate to having a hard time getting help--I was working as a nurse when I got Major Depression (MDD) and even tho I had even worked in psychiatric nursing at one time, I didn't recognize the symptoms in myself until it got so bad I could not get out of bed one day--then I got some help. Before I got the help I just kept thinking I was just being silly or lazy--and just like mothers, nurses are "not supposed" to get sick. The thing is, DEPRESSION IS A PHYSICAL ILLNESS, just as the body's insulin regulating mechanism is out of whack for a person with diabetes, the brain's chemical mechanism is out of whack when you have MDD. The problem is, we know a lot more about the physiology of diabetes than we do about the physiology of MDD and when we don't know about an illness, our society tends to kind of blame people for getting it. Society used to think that TB was a symptom of hysteria, that there was no such thing as PMS, that people with epilepsy were possessed, etc. Now we know better. MDD is just at the beginning of effective treatments, new medications and therapies, etc. but treatment does help and I really hope you talk to your doctor and get some help. My first nursing job was dealing with people who were ill and chemically dependant--the thing is noone really knows which comes first. Alchol is a depressant tho, and it makes depression worse. A lot of people don't realize that, I think maybe because insomnia is a big symptom of depression and sometimes booze helps you sleep--but overall it makes MDD worse. If you have been drinking a lot you might need help to get off of alchol safely also--please, call your doctor ASAP, I don't think you will be telling him/her anything that he hasn't heard before. Let us know how you are doing.

Hi! I know what it feels like to have an absentee husband, and I too started reacting to the neglect by binge eating instead of drinking. I got help for the binge eating, with hospital programs, but my weight kept going up and up and away...My brothers are both alcoholics, so was my father. I didn't want to go down that path, so I eventually went for medical help. And eventually the crying and screaming paid off, and my husband and I moved to another country, so now he can only be a work aholic, but he can't go out playing sports every night anymore. But I am still alone alot of the time. I am writing to people on this site more, and my few friends, and I always look for new emails, so I don't feel so lonely. I try to do things to occupy my mind more when I am alone. Sometimes we really need friends, and can't find any. Finally he came to his senses, and realised how much he was hurting me, and tried to control himself. Please try to stay off the bottle, for your kids. Please...maybe anything is better than that. Take care! I don't like cooking either....

Mojo, Thank you for your story. You are not alone. There are many individuals on this site that can help support you thought this journey.P Please feel free to roam the site at your own pace. If you look to the left of the screen under "TOOLS" you will find our Depression Test. This test is not a diagnostic tool and is not a replacement or substitute for a physician's advice. The purpose of these tests is to prepare you with information that you can present to your physician. When you're finished the test, you can either print your Final Report or email it directly to your doctor. This will help better assess your situation and will help your doctor understand things. We are always here to help so pick up the phone and take the first step. Josie ___________________________________ The Depression Center Support Team.

Hi everyone. I've just discovered this site and thank God I did, I really need the support. Well just a little bit about me (I don't want to bore you all!). I'm a 37 yr old mum of 2 and for the past few months have being feeling increasingly down and depressed. I've been reading up on it and have most, if not all, of the sypmtoms of MDD. I haven't been to visit my doctor this time, not yet anyway, and I'm not sure when I will. I keep picking up the phone to make the appointment and then picture myself sitting in his office crying my eyes out!(I suppose I think of myself as a strong person and don't usually do the crying thing and find it embarrassing, or maybe it's because it shows I'm not as strong as I thought I was!!) The last couple of times I was depressed I didn't even realise that that is what was wrong with me but now I know for sure thats the problem and can't work up the guts to go to my GP and say it! I have a loving, caring partner who keeps asking how I am and asking if there's a problem, and me being me I lie through my teeth and tell him I'm fine and that there isn't a problem. Although he's loving and caring he can at times be a little thoughtless and selfish, he's out at work all day (lucky him!) and then has various commitments and hobbies which mean he's out of the house most evenings too. This problem has come up before when I had a major outburst (my usual method of getting my point across, not ideal I know, but thats me) and it resolved in him making the effort to spend more time at home for a while but things always have a habit of sliding don't they? Anyway, my usual coping method has been alcohol and lots of it. This has totally got out of hand having gone from wine (because a couple bottles a night makes me gain weight which worsens my depression) to vodka! So, in an effort to try and sort myself out, I've stopped drinking (well for the past 3 nights anyway) and it's hell and causing me to get even more depressed! Which brings up another question, is the depression a result of alcohol abuse or did I use the drink because I felt depressed. I can't answer this question 'cos I can't remember. I've always drank, but not always to such extremes and when I think about it, and I have been thinking of nothing else just lately, I've spent a